KICKIN' IT OLD SCHOOL

Written by Musgo Del Jefe

The synopsis for Kickin' It Old Skool is pretty simple. Twelve-year-old, Justin, goes into a coma while breakdancing in 1986 and wakes up 20 years later in 2006. And wackiness ensues. That actually took less than nine minutes of the movie to set in motion. With clever editing, I could've set the conflict in motion before the first commercial break (Justin must enter dance contest to pay his parents back and win over long lost girlfriend). A few montages later, I could've been to the final dance contest by minute twenty and twenty-four minutes into the movie, I'd have the predictable conclusion to the contest and life back to normal. And there you'd have a typical CW show. One starring many of the actors that you'll see in this movie.

I figured this plot to be more along the lines of Blast From The Past (1999) - naive man from a simpler time finds love by representing a fresh difference to the mores of the current times. But what I got was a very poor man's Big. But I'll get back to that.

The first title tells us that it's April 20, 1986. Unfortunately, the director relies on generic '80s references that place this film somewhere much earlier in the '80s. In fact, it's such a mishmash of cultural clues, that had I not been told, I'd have a hard time to not guess 1983. I don't know when the director, Harvey Glazer, was born but Jamie Kennedy (Justin) was in his teens in this period and should've spoken up. We start the first scene with "Rapper's Delight" from 1980 and Justin wearing a Michael Jackson jacket from 1983. In the course of the first scene at the talent show we get references to Flashdance (1983), Smurfs, Blue Lagoon (1980), and Garbage Pail Kids Series 2 (1985). There's even a mention of Betamax (essentially dead to the world by 1984).

Justin and his friends (The Funky Fresh Boys) are performing at the school talent show. What do these hip twelve-year-olds choose to dance to? Is it some of the important hip hop of the era like Erik B & Rakim's "Eric B. Is President" or Run DMC's "My Addidas"? Maybe MC Lyte's "Cram To Understand" or the funky Doug E. Fresh's "The Show"? Nope. We get the predictably safe Herbie Hancock tune, "Rock-It" (1983). The fact that there's so much good music from this time period that could've been featured and was overlooked is symptomatic of the short cuts taken by the director and writers.

Once Justin awakes from his coma, we are quickly given the "clue" that this film is another Big (remarkably the debut for Debra Jo Rupp who plays Justin's mother here). How do we know? Because 32-year-old Justin is chewing Big League Chew. Get it Big League Chew. It doesn't get any more clever after that. While Tom Hanks worked his Josh character to perfection by employing the simplicity of the 13-year-old's point of view to the adult world, Justin does not apply his 12-year-old, 80's point of view to the world. Josh enjoys the adult world. Justin is only confused and perplexed. When Justin has a perfect chance to point out some of the ways we've changed since the '80s, what does he pick? Two of the most tired references - Star Wars and MTV - and he doesn't even add any commentary other than to point out that it's changed.

Twenty minutes into the film, we change directions slightly. Justin needs to "get the boys back together" to win a dance-off to pay back his parents. Our Blues Brothers quest takes less than twenty minutes and doesn't really meet any resistance. Darnell (the African-American member) needs money to buy diapers and please his bitchy wife. Hector (the Hispanic member) needs to lose weight. Aki (the Asian member) needs? Well, we're not really sure why Aki rejoins and Hector's reason is also a bit of a reach. But don't worry about character motivation here - it won't pay off in the end, anyway.

Justin encounters his beautiful old love interest, Jen (Maria Menounos), who's currently dating his old rival, Kip (Michael Rosenbaum), who comes across as evil Lex Luthor trying out for a lead role in the Derek Jeter story. Kip hosts the show that is sponsoring the dance contest, and of course, he does his underhanded best to sabotage Justin's chances.

Love blossoms, the Funky Fresh Boys find their groove (montage scene), innocence is lost (thank you for clueing me in Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings"), and no lessons are learned based on the 12-year-old innocence from the '80s. In fact, his 12-year-old persepctive only serves to get in his way (taking Ecstasy at the club - explained only in the deleted scenes). There's a dance contest to finish and I'll give the writers two things: we get to hear "The Real Roxanne" (at least it's from the right era), and they at least bother to tie in the failure at the talent contest in the beginning to the finals of the dance contest at the end.

A boy trapped in a man's body is fodder for many Hollywood films. Big took the innocence of the boy and viewed our world through that prism. Kickin' It Old Skool wastes that chance. Why does Tom Hanks eating the food at the fancy dinner party work and seeing Jaime Kennedy at Chuck E. Cheese's doesn't? It's the heart. It's the ache you feel when you realize what you've lost since those days. There is not wonderment here, only confusion.

Special Features: Imagine my surprise to find 29 minutes of deleted scenes. While many of them are true throwaways, one explained a very important event. We were led to believe that Justin drank only a Red Bull and became sweaty and incoherent at the club. In the deleted scene we see that he took an extraordinary amount of Ecstasy too. That event and his experiences were perfect fodder to contrast his innocence with the cruelty of Kip, his rival. The other small scene has him at a loss for words, finally quoting the Facts Of Life theme. That would later inform his quoting the Diff'rent Strokes theme song to his parents at the end of the film. "Everybody's got some special kind of story." Not so much.

MR. BEAN'S HOLIDAY

Written by Hombre Divertido

Generally, there are two types of people in the world. Those that like Mr. Bean and those that don’t. Considering that Mr. Bean’s Holiday had made 188 Million internationally before being released in the U. S., it really didn’t matter which group it fell upon here.

The pratfalls and antics of Bean (Rowan Atkinson) work well in the brief and simple scenarios of the popular British television show, but his first outing; the 1997 motion picture Bean, had far too convoluted of a story to support the comedy of Bean. Though this effort has a far more simple premise, it appears that the writers took a holiday from writing gags for our talented actor.

Atkinson, who is aging gracefully and still posses the rubber face and athletic ability to pull off the expressions, gestures, and pratfalls that make up all that is Bean, finds his character on his way to Cannes for a vacation. Along the way, he misses a train, causes the separation of a man and his son, attempts to assist the son in finding his dad, losses all his money and passport, and interrupts the filming of a movie. Oh, if only he had interrupted the filming of this one with the same type of humorous effort.

There are some nice moments in this film, just not enough. One should always be concerned when a scene from the commercials does not show up in the film, as is the case here, and at a running time of eighty eight minutes, one must wonder how they felt that anything remotely funny could be left out. Too much was left out, and the final product is just unsatisfying.

Recommendation: The DVD of the televisions series would be a better investment of your time and money if you really want to experience Mr. Bean. If you are intent on seeing a motion picture featuring Rowan Atkinson, go with Rat Race or Johnny English. No awards to be given to those two efforts, but far more fun than Mr. Bean’s Holiday.

Joe Satriani: Surfing with the Alien - Legacy Edition

Written by Fumo Verde

I learned to surf in 1987, which was the same year I picked up a cassette of Surfing with the Alien and within the first thirty seconds of listening to it I was hooked. I’ve been surfing ever since and have listened to the album from time to time until my truck’s tape player ate my Workingman’s Dead, so when I got a chance to review the new digitally re-mastered CD, along with a DVD of Satriani performing at the Montreux Jazz Festival, I was super stoked.

Satriani has had a major influence on young guitarists around the world. Not only a great player of the guitar, he also teaches. His students have included Kirk Hammett of Metallica and Steve Vai. Surfing with the Alien has been called the quintessential guitar rock album of the ‘80s and for anyone interested in playing guitar they should pick this Legacy Edition and just listen, watch, and learn. Joe Satriani is a master musician and his one true passion is creating music with his guitar.

The title track opens up with rocket-like fury, as Satriani blasts off into the waves of the universe, dropping in deeper, carving harder, and getting shacked into tubes of cosmic forces. Contrast that with “Always with Me, Always with You” where Satriani slows it down as he lets the notes do the singing. This jam takes you away to a remote tropical island with sandy white beaches and intense colored sunsets. Next up is “Satch Boogie,” a jazzy jam that brings Satriani’s talents of his former teachers into play. He learned from some of the best, including jazz guitar great Billy Bauer and legendary pianist Lennie Tristano. The hard work and ceaseless enthusiasm Satriani brings to his art can be heard throughout Surfing with the Alien but to get a real idea of what he can do, you need to watch the DVD.

Part two of the Legacy Edition contains previously unreleased concert footage of from the Montreux Jazz Festival in Montreux, Switzerland from July 1988. The show is great and the camera work is top of the line, getting in close to see the amazing finger work Satriani lays down. He plays seven tracks off the album, including “Always with You, Always with Me,” “Echo,” “Ice 9,” and “Lords of Karma.” The show also includes a sweet bass solo along with the jams “Hordes of Locusts” and “Rubina,” and a very funny interview conducted by Spinal Tap guitarist Nigel Tufnel, who now has an amplifier that can go up to infinity. The liner notes are good, with pictures of Satriani in studio and on tour, and he gives explanations of how each song came about.

Joe Satriani cares about his fans and if you ask any of his students they will tell you the same. His music comes from the heart and as you watch him on stage, like his idol Jimi Hendrix, the soul and life of each note when played is echoed in his body movements and facial expressions. This is a great set for those of us who love the sound of the electric guitar. Listening to him play or seeing him live is like watching Jerry Lopez ride Pipe, a true master in his element. As soon as I save up enough cash, I’m getting one of those water-proof MP3 players and Joe Satriani is going surfing with this alien.

Bruce Hornsby/Christian McBride/Jack DeJohnette: Camp Meeting

Written by Fumo Verde

Bruce Hornsby is back and his range has expanded. He has made a fantastic career of blending musical genres, such as jazz, bluegrass, and folk, into his own distinct kind of blue-collar rock n’ roll sound. Camp Meeting is a serious jazz album with a wide variety of compositions that include jams from Monk, Miles, and Trane. Along with Christian McBride on bass and Jack DeJohnette on drums, two highly accomplished jazz musicians themselves, Camp Meeting proves beyond any doubt the talent of these three men.

I have to start with the first track “Questions and Answers.” Composed by Ornette Coleman but never released, the trio brings it to life as a quick and chipper tune that pounces about. Jumbling and almost unorganized, the music opens up as the piano zips amongst the scales while bass and drum push the tempo along firing away like a six-cylinder engine. This is followed by “Charles, Woody, and You,” (a Hornsby-Charles Ives composition) which has a backbeat that sounds like Miles’ Kind of Blue, yet it contains a sporadic Charles Mingus charm.

“Solar” follows, and on this track Miles would be proud. It shows how well these men have honed in their talents. Be it Hornsby’s effortless dance with the keys or McBride’s stroll along his bass chords, the solos reflect the hard work and effort these guys put into this CD. DeJohnette rips into a drum solo that finishes off with cymbal shots that boost the energy this trio puts out.

“Camp Meeting” the title track, has a rock rhythm to it. McBride’s bass seems to swing about as DeJohnette drives the beat and Hornsby’s piano tells the tale. This is an original by Hornsby and if anyone has ever had doubts about his ability to compose jazz, this track will put them to rest. But he isn’t the only master musician here and he would be the first to point that out.

Christian McBride is the son of the great jazz bassist Lee Smith and his uncle is Howard Cooper, another amazing jazz bassist. McBride has played with a wide range of people that include Chick Correa, Herbie Hancock, Diana Krall, and James Brown. In 2000 he fronted his own band called the Christian McBride Band. Jack DeJohnette has a resume a mile long too, and it includes artists such as Keith Jarrett, whose composition “Death and Flowers” is the fourth track on the album. It has a delicate piano solo that captures the grace and spirit of what true artistry really is. Both DeJohnette and McBride have made their names in the world of jazz and bringing their talents together was a great idea. Hornsby knows how to surround himself with incredible musicians and Camp Meeting isn’t any different.

Whether it’s the improvised style of Monk or the genuine soul of Miles or the swinging structure of Coltrane, the trio tries to capture it all in eleven tracks, and they do a pretty damn good job. Anyone with an ear for jazz will enjoy this CD as it ranges the jazz spectrum. Camp Meeting brings all the ideas together, and what great ideas they are.

KISSOLOGY: Vol. 2, 1978-1991

Written by Tío Esqueleto

KISSOLOGY: Vol. 2 is the latest installment of KISS's vast video history. From promo spots and newsreels, to television appearances and live shows, KISS documented nearly everything they ever did. Dedicated fans have bought, sold, and traded this material in various bootlegged formats at conventions and online for years now. Here, finally, are the official releases, straight from the vault, all cleaned up and, for the most part, exactly as you remember them.

I must say I was not prepared to enjoy this offering nearly as much as I did. I am a die-hard KISS fan. More so, I am a dedicated Ace Frehley and Peter Criss fan. Those other two guys? Yeah, I like them, but only when book-ended by Peter and Ace. It's all about the original lineup for me. If it doesn't have them, it simply does not do it for me. So, you can imagine my surprise when I found myself really digging the material at hand. More on that in a second, but first a brief history of KISS '78 - '91.

1978 was a strange year for KISS. They were at the pinnacle of their fame. They had just come off of their biggest tour to date with Love Gun and were in the midst of filming their first (and only) movie. It also marked the release of their four solo albums, in which each member assembled his own band in an effort to better demonstrate their individual tastes and talents. The idea was that each member would do his own thing, dedicating the albums to each other; all in an effort to still do everything under the KISS umbrella. This was to ultimately keep the band together, rather than taking some time off, or outright splitting them up. It worked...for about a year. Inevitably, it signaled the beginning of the end for the original four.

1979 saw the release of Dynasty and ushered in their short-lived disco era. This both gained and lost some fair-weather fans, as well as utterly confusing the die-hard fans who were now affectionately and officially known as The KISS Army. By this time Peter and Ace had fallen so far into drugs and alcoholism, that it was really taking its toll on the band. Couple that with Peter's head strong desire to make it on his own, and you've got the end of the original four. Was Peter fired? Did he quit on his own accord, citing personal and creative differences? The answer differs depending on whom you ask. Either way, now it was Gene, Paul, and Ace at the start of a new decade with one ridiculously large drum riser to fill.

The 1980s saw a new KISS emerge with drummer Eric Carr taking on his role as "The Fox". We also saw the release of The Elder, the band's overly ambitious and ill-received concept album. Just what the concept was I'm still not sure. By the end of 1982, Ace had finally had enough. Not liking where the band was headed, feeling the loss of his good friend Peter, and not without a few problems of his own, Ace finally called it quits to embark on a fairly successful solo career. With the addition of Vinnie Vincent in 1982, KISS went on tour with the fan favorite, Creatures of The Night and, unknowingly, gave it one last go around with the make-up.

In 1983, KISS ditched the make-up and costumes with Lick It Up, and instead opted for the no less garish, torn fluorescents and big hair that were synonymous with the growing glam metal movement of the time. Ace proved difficult to replace as Vincent was fired at the end of the Lick tour in March 1984 and Mark St. John, who played on Animalize, was let go at the beginning of that supporting tour due to health reasons. They would finally land on Bruce Kulick, who would continue to work with the band well into the '90s, and up to the eventual reuniting of the original four.

Which brings us to KISSOLOGY: Vol. 2. I was quite upset to find that when the first KISSOLOGY came out, it only went to 1977. I thought why would you make us original four fans buy a whole other volume, just to get those last two glorious years of footage? Sounded like a very Gene & Paul thing to do, in an attempt to make themselves even richer. I'm not completely convinced that it wasn't; however, to their credit, they did the right thing. After all, those two years really weren't so glorious. You've got drugs, alcohol, and ego tearing the band apart, as well as an era that, aside from myself, nobody really seems to like. Pretty smart to leave the glory years to the first volume, and make the second volume the transition and rebirth edition. That is basically what you've got here.

Highlights include, "The Land Of Hype And Glory" (excerpt). This originally aired on NBC news on January 10th, 1978. Basically, it's a gorgeous vintage newsreel featuring the KISS phenomenon at its peak, narrated by a rather skeptical Edwin Newman. His disdain is palpable as he struggles to interview what was then America's biggest rock band. I absolutely love it! This is the stuff we've been patiently waiting for, even if we had no idea it ever existed.

Next, it's KISS In Attack of the Phantoms, from 1979. Here is, hands down, the single greatest contribution to this volume. As I mentioned earlier, in 1978 KISS was asked if they'd like to make Star Wars meets A Hard Day's Night. Being the huge Beatles fans that they were, and considering where they were headed, it seemed the logical thing to do. What resulted was KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park. It was made by Hanna-Barbera for NBC television and you can tell. It is legendary to both KISS fans and lovers of all things schlocky. If you've never seen it, think an old episode of The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, except that it stars KISS, with real magical powers, and uses Magic Mountain as its backdrop rather than Universal Studios. That's the best way I can think to describe the glorious cheese on display here.

Up until now, only poor quality, bootleg copies were available on DVD or your old worn-out VHS copy. If you're a KISS Army member, you have one. Now, with this box set, you get the international theatrical cut dubbed for larger distribution as KISS In Attack of the Phantoms. First and foremost it is widescreen, 2.35:1, so now, instead of looking like an episode of Battlestar Galactica, it looks more like Battlestar Galactica: The Movie. Hallelujah!! I cannot tell you what a huge difference this makes. It also contains an alternate intro (KISS still sings "Rock And Roll All Night" while towering over the rides at Magic Mountain, don't worry), as well as multiple deleted scenes, and a variety of different edits. Most noticeably, all of the music has been swapped out for the theatrical version. Gone are the funky, canned, sounds of the Hanna-Barbera band. Instead, in their place, you get various excerpts from the solo albums. I'm still not sure how I feel about this as some of it just doesn't work, so hold on to those old VHS tapes. There was a charm to the old soundtrack, and it really added to the overall vibe.

The Tomorrow Show with Tom Snyder from 1979. Another legendary bit of Kisstory, this is the one KISS fans know as the footage where Gene is noticeably really pissed at Ace for being completely wasted on national television. Up until now I had only seen snippets, and I just have to say...ho-lee-shit! You find that each member is pretty sick of the next. Nobody can get a straight answer out without the other one stealing his thunder. Sure Ace is rocked, really really rocked, but he is far from the most embarrassing one on screen. In the liner notes, Paul goes on to say "The truth is, we probably could have used more of Ace's personality and point of view than ours, at that point". He pretty much nailed it. It's a train wreck in the best possible way.

Next up is a rare performance on ABC televisions Fridays from 1982. First off, it is always nice to see footage from this often-forgotten sketch show. Here, we have what is pretty much the only live footage of anything having to do with The Elder. You get three actual live performances (some better than others) of "The Oath," "A World Without Heroes," and "I." Say what you will, but this is some pretty interesting stuff to say the least. I don't hate The Elder. I still just don't get it. This helps....kind of.

There is also a bevy of live performances. However, there is one glaring omission. "KISS, Live in Largo Maryland in 1979." This was always one of my favorite bootlegs if not my favorite. For a fan of the Dynasty era, this was all you had. I'm told that depending on where you purchase the set, you could get it as the bonus disc. For instance, my copy's bonus disc was "KISS Live at Budokan in 1988", part of the Crazy Nights Tour. Being the only known taping of a Dynasty-era show, I cannot fathom why it wasn't included as one of the main features on disc one.

All in all, for fans of this transitional era, this is really quite a collection of live shows. The setlists are spot-on for their respective eras, and it's kind of cool to hear the different versions of the classics as played by Carr and Vincent. Now, there's something I never would have thought would ever come out of my mouth, but it's true. Nice to have it there if you ever need it.

KISS made it a point to document nearly everything they ever did, and here is just the second installment. As a staunch advocate of the original four, I had my mind made up that I would only ever watch the first disc. I have to say, I am pleasantly surprised to find just how much I enjoyed this second installment of the KISSOLOGY series, all three discs. Here's hoping for another installment. Something tells me, with the next one, I just may get to see Peter and Ace again.

Johnny Cash: The Great Lost Performance

Written by Fantasma el Rey

In this latest release by Johnny Cash, he shows what a true musical treasure he is. With The Great Lost Performance, recorded in July of 1990, we have a chance to hear Johnny years before he was “rediscovered” by the world at large through his American Recordings and just before he and his kind became total outcasts of modern country music. He stands tall and strong with his unique voice and raw storytelling abilities, easily capable of transporting you into the world of his youth and the dark realms of his mind.

Johnny opens this live set from Asbury Park, New Jersey, with a burning rendition of “Ring Of Fire.” Without a horn section the guitars fill in nicely as the key sound of the chorus, and from the moment he hits the mic you know who is in charge. His voice is still solid and strong containing only a hint of his age as opposed to the end of his career. Not a bad thing at all, just the final phase of the man’s gift.

Next, Johnny eases into the gospel songs usually reserved for the later part of his shows, “Life’s Railway To Heaven” and “A Wonderful Time Up There.” The latter is an awesome gospel boogie where you can hear the influence for some of Johnny’s secular tunes, most notably “Luther Played The Boogie.” The song also has a wonderful introduction about the blessed day that his voice dropped and gave the world the gift that we know and love. The gospel set also highlights the sweet harmonies of the Carter Sisters Anita, Helen, and June.

Johnny then slides smoothly into two of his classics, “Folsom Prison Blues” and Kris Kristofferson’s “Sunday Morning Coming Down.” Both are tales of a darker side brought to life and made believable by Johnny’s own experiences. When he sings of beer for breakfast on a Sunday morning, you know he’s done it and you know at one point in his darkest days he could have come close to killing a man.

Two new songs, the Psalm-inspired “What Is Man” and the road tune “Forty Shades of Green,” find their way into this recording. The former is a duet with the sweet-voiced Lucy Clark, who sounds somewhat like June Carter Cash, and reflects upon man’s existence and role on Earth. The latter was written in Ireland with map in hand as Johnny picked out rhyming town names, strung them together, and a song was born about an Irish lad that misses a certain lass.

The next five tracks compose “Come Along And Ride This Train,” a set that springs from the days of the Johnny Cash television show and basically tells stories from his life. From tales of his youth (“Five Feet High And Rising,” “Pickin’ Time,” and “A Beautiful Life.”) to the day he walked into Sun Studios to record his first single. (“Hey Porter.”) All the while the signature Cash train rhythm rumbles steadily on behind him.

More interesting tales follow and are masterfully told by the hero of the common man and outlaw. “Ragged Old Flag” is about an old gentleman reflecting on the days of glory that the town flag has seen. “Tennessee Flat Top Box.” is a little ditty about a dark-haired boy who picks his guitar and hypnotizes all the women “from nine to ninety.” Two more folk tales of old are the western classic “Ghost Riders In The Sky” and the train anthem “The Wreck Of Old ’97.”

Joining Johnny on “Jackson” and “Old ‘97” is the love of his life, June, who tells the audience about her husband’s recent dental woes. She has an honesty and sincerity in her speaking voice that makes you listen, believe, and understand. Even telling a simple story of every day life she has the crowd in the palm of her hand. After he introduces the band, Johnny closes the show with his classic love song and one of his biggest hits “I Walk The Line.” At this time he had no idea how that song along “Folsom Prison Blues” would affect the world in about ten years time.

Throughout this CD we get a chance to hear Johnny Cash on stage at his best, telling stories of his song’s origins and joking with the crowd just as he had done back in ’68 at Folsom Prison. The classic attitude of “I’ll say what I want to and do as I like okay” is always a pleasure to hear. It reassures us that he is still the Cash of old, a simple man speaking his mind and singing with his heart while delivering a knockout performance. Listen to the intro to “Ragged Old Flag” to hear Johnny in top form talking about the freedom and rights of Americans.

Today the man’s music and name can still be seen and heard everywhere. I’m glad that this American original can be celebrated all over the world on t-shirts, posters, stickers, hell even in song titles. My God somewhere I’m sure he’s on a velvet portrait, too, just like Elvis.

WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END

Written by Tio Esquelto

Let me start by stating that I absolutely love Wrong Turn. I just love it! It was this little movie that nobody went to, by a no-name director, that unknowingly ushered in this new era of R-rated horror and over-the-top gore that have become the industry standard over the last few years. It predated the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake (often thought of as the start of the new wave), The Hills Have Eyes remake, as well as the more torture-driven Saw and Hostel films. Up to this point it had been PG-13, WB-casted tripe, still riding the Scream wave. That, or another American remake of an Asian horror film that wasn’t that great to begin with.

Wrong Turn recalled a simpler time in the horror genre. A time when kids would end up in the woods, a monster/killers (or in this case one in the same) was in the woods, and the kids are done in one by one, each assigned a more gruesome and interesting death than the last. A tried-and-true method, with somebody bound to survive, just who would it be?

To better stack the deck in their favor, they enlisted creature-effects artist extraordinaire, Stan Winston, to helm the special effects. Winston’s team delivered brilliant creature effects with their three, comic-bookesque, inbred psycho mountain men. Most importantly, they went no-holds barred with good old-fashioned splatter-effects-laden kills. Human-on-human gore, not excluding decapitation, cannibalism, severed limbs, torn flesh, and guts-guts-guts! All of which had all but dried up by the start of the 1990s.

Throw in a couple of extremely likable protagonists, a simple-but-relentless script with the necessary clichés firmly in place, and an unknown director who has a knowledge of and seems to genuinely care about those that came before him, and you’ve got a damn fine little horror film in Wrong Turn.

Then, there is Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, which with nearly all of the above went straight out the window, down the crapper, or whatever cliché you prefer. Instead, you get seven unlikable, unbearable nitwits, and Henry Rollins, who is no less unbearable. Why Henry? Why? You also get a ridiculous reality TV show premise, misplaced and unnecessary over-the-top camera work, and some piss-poor creature effects. The one thing that remains is the hard ‘R’ gore. The kills are single-handedly the one thing Wrong Turn 2 has going for it although even that runs its course prematurely.

The film starts out with real-life American Idol reject, Kimberly Caldwell, driving through the West Virginia backwoods on her way to a yet undisclosed reality show taping. She’s lost and late, and calls her agent (played over the phone by comedian Patton Oswalt – Why Patton? Why?) for a little direction. While on the phone, she turns off the beaten path and loses cell phone signal. It’s pretty much a carbon copy of the opening to Wrong Turn but reference can be a good thing when done right, especially when setting up a sequel. Throw in a Patton Oswalt cameo, and we’re off to a pretty good start. She glances down to fidget with her phone and when we pan back up – SMASH! She hits something, or somebody, scurrying across the road. Let the “horror” begin!

Upon closer inspection we find that the victim is more than a little disfigured, and it has nothing to do with the accident at hand. Here, we get our first taste of hillbilly horror and gore. It is one of the better splatter effects I’ve seen in quite some time. Hell, it’s one of the best splatter effects that I’ve ever seen. Period. It involves cleaving a woman in two, long ways, with an axe and it is both stylish, and flawless in its execution. The killers then drag her remains, one half at a time, across the old road (again flawlessly), and we get our “directed by” credit, signifying the official start of the madness. I was floored, and here we are only five minutes in. Wow! What was I in store for? Turns out that was as good as it was going to get. It’s like eating your desert before you’ve even ordered dinner.

From its ridiculous reality show premise (because we have to make it relevant to the times, right?), to its hatable cast and characters, likened more to its burnable script and direction, Wrong Turn 2 has very little going for it. What it does have are its kills and its overall nastiness therein. They are ultra-violent, mean-spirited, nauseating, and for the most part are executed quite well. There is another memorable effects scene with a hatchet to the head that is very unexpected, and totally original.

Normally, if someone were to say to me, “It’s a piece of shit, but the body count and the gore are great. Oh, and there’s tits and a simulated blowjob”, that would be all I needed to hear. Sign me up! Throw in the raunch (I’m serious, here. There is a fantastic topless scene and a good and, down right, gratuitous BJ), and the splatter, and you’ve totally got the makings for a great slasher horror movie. I’m sure the filmmakers were thinking the same thing. They just should have left out all the other crap that I’m assuming they thought gave the film depth. Guess what? Depth? Not necessary. The groundwork was already laid - Inbred monster hillbillies picking people off who shouldn’t have gone into the woods. What more do you need? What’s not to love? We didn’t need to know where they come from. We certainly didn’t need to know how they got that way…they are inbred!! The inbred teenagers actually having sex with each other I also did not need to see. Toxic waste backstory? Again, totally unnecessary, and it takes away from the fun and quasi-realism of the original, which kind of had you thinking twice, and wondering “Those monster hillbillies could exist, I guess…right?” It’s Deliverance turned up to 11, and I loved it! Some things are best left unsaid.

Lose the Reality TV plot. Lose the Henry Rollins 1980s action hero character, complete with one-liners. Lose the gratuitous inbred sex and unwanted backstory (it was as if they consciously lifted the two worst aspects of the Hills Have Eyes 2). Lose all these things, just stick with the basics, and you’d have had a pretty good little horror movie on your hands, but then again, then you’d just have the first Wrong Turn.

On October 9th Wrong Turn 2: Dead End will be released direct-to-DVD. Kind of all makes sense now, huh?

SUPERBAD

Written by Hombre Divertido

Superbad is two movies for the price of one! One is Super and the other is Bad.

In a concoction that combines the best of American Graffiti and Fast Times at Ridgemont High and the worst of Police Academy, the audience is treated to solid performances by Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, as three high school boys out to score some liquor, hit the in-crowd party, and lose their virginity, all on one fateful night. Unfortunately the audience is also subjected to the totally ridiculous escapades of Seth Rogen and Bill Hader as two inept policemen caught up in the antics of the evening.

If you can focus on the well-established and thus enjoyable relationship between Seth (Hill), Evan (Cera), and Fogell (Mintz-Plasse), you will enjoy dialog worthy of Tarantino, relatable situations, and escapades that are sure to take you back to that period in your life. Mintz-Plase alone manages to create one of the most memorable characters since Napoleon Dynamite and just getting to experience all that is Fogell is worth the price of admission. The three characters grow throughout the film and a well-crafted message is delivered without getting sappy.

Writers Rogen and Evan Goldberg are obviously capable of creating quality material. The plot is simple, but highlighted with spot-on dialog that we can easily imagine all high school kids uttering, and not unlike films of the eighties such as The Breakfast Club or The Big Chill, this film is about relationships and how they grow.

Had Rogen and Goldberg been willing to trust in the quality of the story of our trio, and not felt the need to introduce the two bumbling police officers who take up far too much screen time and literally bring nothing to the party, a classic film would have been created. Instead we have some classic characters in a convoluted story within a mediocre film.

Recommendation: The scenes in which our heroes come close to having sex have the female leads delivering lines that are too graphic and thus seem a bit out of character. This seemed to make the audience uncomfortable. As previously stated: Getting to experience Fogel is worth the price of admission, though experiencing him on DVD when you can fast forward through the scenes with the police may increase the value.

Fogell Goes to College would make a great sequel, just don’t call the cops.

Charles Mingus Sextet with Eric Dolphy: Cornell 1964

Written by Fumo Verde

Blue Note wowed me again with another previously unreleased recording of the Charles Mingus Sextet. This two CD-set contains material that, before this recording was discovered, the good folks at Blue Note thought came about a little later than it actually did. This album predates by three weeks, the Sextet’s adventure from a Town Hall Concert on April 4^th through a European Tour and ending at the Monterey Jazz Festival. It also includes Eric Dolphy, who besides being a revolutionary alto sax player was the first important bass clarinet players in jazz, along with being one the first significant flute soloists. There are jazz players, there are jazz artists, and then there’s Charles Mingus. This live show at Cornell makes clear why.

The opening is the applause from the students as the band takes the stage. Jaki Byard is on the piano and he immediately charges into “ATFW You,” a tribute to Art Tatum and Fats Weller. This solo is a melody of all the old piano riffs and hooks you’ve heard in many a ragtime gangster movie. It is followed by Mingus himself in a solo of Ellington’s “Sophisticated Lady.”

From there, we take the ride with the “Fables of Faubus.” This thirty-minute tune drives us on a journey as the band explodes with fury and fire, then cools down for a night on the town. Johnny Coles on trumpet and Clifford Jordan on tenor sax fly about the scales like birds of prey fighting for a meal, while all along singing in harmony. Dannie Richmond pounds out the drums to the point of exhaustion, only to have Byard save him by playing “Yankee Doodle” on the ivories. After the good old American battle theme and with a few magic strokes of the keys and some plucks of the bass, the jam starts up again. The horns come alive along with Dolphy on the bass clarinet, adding a spicy flavor to the melody. A duel comprised of tenor sax, the drums, and deep in the background, the bass clarinet rages like a squall, then disappears. We haven’t even come close to the middle of this jam and the surprises down the line are well worth waiting for.

The first disc finishes up with a seventeen-minute “Orange Was the Color of Her Dress,” which Mingus had recorded as a piano solo in ’63 but hadn’t fully developed it until what feels like right at that moment. The final song on disc one is a fifteen-minute “Take the ‘A’ Train” which re-ignites the abidance.

Disc two has just as much power and fun the first part of the show had. It also introduces us to Mingus’ “Meditations,” another half-hour jam that takes us on a tour inside the mind of this jazz author. Jazz musicians practice their whole life to sound sporadic and off the cuff, yet Mr. Mingus was born like this. His talent reached way beyond what jazz was thought to be. “Meditations” reaches in with its sad, off-key intro that slowly winds its way into a piano walk filled with the bird sounds of flutes, trumpets, and saxophones. Mingus appears to be playing his bass with bow, sounding more like a cello to my ears.

“So Long Eric” is actually a tribute to the presence of Dolphy that night, but it became a lament after his death in June of that same year. Interestingly enough, Mingus goes green as the band plays his idea of “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.” The quick tempo and upbeat rhythm feel as if the audience is moving around in their seats. The show ends with a Mingus-style “Jitterbug Waltz” leaving the students energized and excited. Again the band explodes as the music goes wild.

This live recording is something new, and if it wasn’t for Sue Graham Mingus, we would not have been so lucky to hear this. For the ultimate jazz enthusiasts this double CD-set is worth the price of admission. To hear Charles Mingus along with the Eric Dolphy playing alongside can only be explained in one word, awesome. If you are looking for something less contemporary, just outside of mainstream jazz, then Charles Mingus is your man and this live show at Cornell in ’64 will open your eyes to a whole new idea of what jazz could be.

Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs

by Fumo Verde

This is one for the history nut inside all of us, or maybe just me. King Tut was the boy king who reigned over Upper and Lower Egypt some three thousand years ago. His rule wasn’t anything special and he achieved basically nothing when it came to the political state of Egypt. One of his predecessors, Akhenaton had this crazy idea of monotheism where everybody prayed to him, because he thought he was a direct descendent of the sun god. Tut was one of the first Pharaohs to do away with this idea. The people liked the old religion and Tut was said to have started the transition back to this way of life. But what makes him so special?

The main reason was that his tomb, out of all the ones found in the Valley of the Kings, was the only one that hadn’t been robbed after it was sealed. By luck and tenacity and with time and money running out Howard Carter triangulated his findings and came across a find the world to this day still marvels at. I like many have never had the chance to see the exhibit of Tut, but this DVD not only gives you the chance it brings you close up with interesting historical commentary. If you can stay awake it is well worth watching.

Omar Sharif, who brings passion to the history of his ancestors, narrates it. Directed by Darryl Kinson, Tutankhamun gives us a direct link to the exhibition with interviews from Stanford Egyptologist Kathlyn Cooney and Dr. Zahi Hawass, who is the Secretary General of Antiquities in Cairo, Egypt, bring insight to how the tomb was found and the discoveries within. In 1976 there were about 50 or so items from the tomb were sent on tour of the U.S. Americans everywhere had Tutmania, even to the point that Steve Martin had a hit song and dance about the boy king on SNL (back in the days when it was funny.)

This time, Cairo is giving the world a bigger glimpse at the treasures found by Carter by showing 100 items, 50 from Tut’s tomb and 50 from the tombs that surround his resting place. The sculptures and statues remind us of a harder yet simpler time, making you wonder what life was like back in the day when there were no i-Pods and the word “windows” only had one meaning. To see the work that these craftsman accomplished, one must grasp the concept that these people did all this work with the most basic of tools, and there wasn’t a Home Depot around to help either.

Unfortunately, I wish the speakers had livened it up the material a bit. It took me three attempts to watch this whole thing, and not because it’s so long, but because it was so boring. Not much new information has been discovered about Tut. The guy ruled from age nine to 18. Nine years can be brutal when you have an idiot posing as an adult who thinks he’s in charge, but Tut was just a kid. If he were in charge today, his rules would be less homework, more cartoons, and chocolate cake for breakfast. Tut’s main claim to fame is the fact that his tomb was the only one intact after all was said and done in an age where tomb robbers were as fruitful then as televangelists now.

This DVD has some of the most beautiful artwork the world will ever see, that’s if the world can stay awake long enough. Thank the sun god that it’s on DVD, so you can pause it and watch it again at a later time.