STUDENT BODIES

Written by El Fangorio

I’ll try and make this one short and sweet as I’m sure many of you have fond memories of this 1981 spoof of slasher films: Student Bodies is pretty damn lame. Maybe it’s because we were 13. Maybe it’s because the conventions of the slasher film are no longer absurd enough to warrant a parody of them. Maybe it’s because we used to be a little bit on the retarded side. Who knows? All I know is that I probably laughed three times total during this film. With that said, it’s still a welcome addition to the format, and we have Legend Films to thank for reminding us that some films are worth unearthing if solely for preservation’s sake.

Toby, the school virgin, is losing all her friends to an unknown stalker, and everyone is a suspect. The killer is using such zany objects as paper clips and eggplants to do the job and when he’s not using a rubber chicken to make prank phone calls, he’s busy panting around in his goulashes, trying not to step on too much gum. If your pants are still dry after hearing those nuggets, fret not as there are also drooling phones, meowing dogs, and farting corpses. Throw in a giant, skinny, quadruple-jointed actor who goes by the name of “The Stick,” and you’ve got a film that plays infinitely better in your childhood memory. Because let’s face it, at the end of the day, it’s all about Malvert.

What surprises me most about this film is what little it has to do with particular slasher films of the time. There really is no reference to any actual one, just a jab at the formula, which is that if you are a teen and having sex, you will be killed with a bizarre weapon by an unseen killer. To be fair, the opening is both a riff on Halloween and When a Stranger Calls, but after that Student Bodies is usually just hoping that it can get by on POV shots and heavy breathing. The numbers that flash on the screen to let you know the body count used to be funny back when a body count seemed bizarre, but now it just wears thin as does the repetition of showing everyone having sex while offering no nudity. The filmmakers do find a way to still ensure an R rating and it’s one of the two laughs available here.

It’s not surprising then that the creators of this film chose to have their names removed. Its production is credited to one Allen Smithee, this being none other than Michael Ritchie who gave us such ‘70s classics as The Bad News Bears, Prime Cut, and Smile. Some have said that the Smithee is only due to the writers’ strike going on at the time but I beg to differ. Though it would explain all of the first-time actors on hand, it’s too much of a coincidence that this film is also a big POS.

Legend Films still manages to polish a turd by giving a terrific widescreen 1.78 transfer. Though a little washed out in some of the exterior scenes, I’m sure this is due to the source print and the monkeys behind the camera. The mono audio is decent enough and this time out, they’re able to provide us with a trailer, proving that they do think about these things when available. Another nice touch is the original artwork used for the DVD case as it was quite the iconic image from the days of “mom and pop” video shops.

THE REICH UNDERGROUND

Written by Fumo Verde

As heavy bombing from the allies started to hit the towns and cities of the Fatherland, German leaders came up with the idea of going underground with not only their ammunitions and supplies, but with entire factories. Director Michael Kloft gives us never-before-seen film footage of these tunnels and caves during their wartime-production heyday along with footage of what these facilities look like today. In these dark labyrinths where V-rockets were manufactured along with some of the world’s first jet planes, the audience gets to explore some of the deepest secrets the Nazis held.

Hitler and the German High Command were at first reluctant to put their production plants underground, but after the heavy and strategic air-bombing campaign carried on by the Allies, which really reeked havoc in the summer of ’43, Albert Speer was able to convince Nazi leaders into doing just that. Starting first by expanding mines that were already in use and utilizing the slave labor force they had gathered from their occupied territories, the Nazis were able to move entire war production plants deep under the earth. The Allies knew of about 300 by 1943, but German files bring the number to somewhere around 800 underground emplacements, which made bombs, planes, ball bearings, and other goods that fed the Nazi war machine. Some of the tunnels ran for miles, such as the one by the banks of the river Neckar in Baden-Wurttemberg. This place was used to also house NATO forces during the Cold War and is still in use today by the German government.

To see the massive size of some of these manmade caves really blew my mind. The labor that had to go into it was incredible and the poor souls who had to do it were there to work until they were dead. Even though these places were factories, making tools of war, they were also death camps of which a prisoner’s only way out was that final big sleep. All of these underground places were sealed up by the Americans and British but today the German government has opened some of the tunnels up to make sure they will not collapse in on themselves and destroy whatever may be above. This is how Kloft was able to go inside and give us a real picture of how big and how extensive the tunnels of the Nazis were. Even now, parts of these places are falling apart and it is up to the German government to decide on how to fix them or to destroy them altogether.

This is an interesting subject for those who are very involved in the history of WWII, but it never seemed to get up and go. It was like I was waiting with Geraldo and watching them open Capone’s vault all over again. Sure, some of the tunnels are in use, but we don’t get to see the inner workings of those places. This doc was one of those that is very interesting and has a lot of unknown facts, but it never really caught my attention. Admittedly, there was footage never seen before, but even this seemed to look the same as all the other Nazi atrocities I have watched over the years.

If The Reich Underground comes on the History Channel, then yes, I would watch it, but as for adding it to my already extensive WWII collection, I wouldn’t have bought it.

THE POSSESSION OF JOEL DELANEY

Written by El Fangorio

When Rosemary’s Baby hit the big time in 1968, Hollywood found that the supernatural was indeed a hot commodity. While the genre was always present in the independent horror films of the time, it wasn’t until then that the major studios decided it was legit enough to start producing some of their own. Soon, the marquees were filled with titles promising possessions, reincarnations, and resurrections. Also like Rosemary’s, the material was usually gleaned from a popular novel and anchored by an up-and-coming actor or actress. Such was the case with The Possession of Joel Delaney, based on the book by Ramona Stewart and starring an already established Shirley Maclaine.

Joel Delaney (played by then newcomer Perry King) is someone who, while brought up in the charmed life of a wealthy Manhattan socialite, lives and fights for the common man. He has given up his digs in Central Park West to live in a seedier section of the East Village, all the while remaining extremely close with his sister Nora (played by Maclaine) and her two children.

Starting with a destructive outburst that lands Joel in Bellevue, Nora watches in horror as her timid brother slowly changes into a man she doesn’t know. His erratic behavior, violent temper, and the sudden ability to speak fluent Spanish cause Nora to seek the answers necessary to save her brother. Making matters worse is the fact that people close to her and Joel are starting to lose their heads (literally) in the same fashion of a string of earlier unsolved murders. When the suspect, who was considered to be still at large, is found to have been dead for six months, Nora is faced with the realization that her brother may not be the person he once was.

The Possession of Joel Delaney has a lot going for it starting with the stellar performance by its main lead. Shirley Maclaine, like Alan Alda earlier in the Mephisto Waltz and Gregory Peck later in The Omen, lends an air of class to a picture that might otherwise have come off as exploitation. Don’t get me wrong, this film is still a lurid picture but there is something about a big-name star that helps delude the viewer into thinking they are watching something important. And who wouldn’t want to witness their very own Sweet Charity running around Manhattan bumping into headless corpses? Best of all is the setting of vintage upper and lower Manhattan, which are juxtaposed quite nicely when used to show the social differences between the two. Watching Nora treat her maid Veronica like her inferior is counter-balanced by a visit Nora makes to Veronica’s house, where she is in turn the minority. It is here that we begin Nora’s character arch from blissfully ignorant to horrifically aware. The feeling of being out of her comfort zone comes to its zenith when Nora attends a Santeria ritual that, in its attention to detail, has to be seen to be believed.

While being a bare-bones release, The Possession of Joel Delaney comes with a sparkling 1.78:1 anamorphic transfer and its original mono audio track. There is no doubt that this film has ever looked or sounded so good since it’s left the big screen. Another treat is the original artwork used for the DVD case, an iconic image to those in the know, and proof positive that there is no need for revamped imagery to sell a genre title (especially if it’s from the 70s!). A trailer would have been most welcome as it’s remained elusive for some time now (and it’s always a hoot to see how a large studio promotes a horror film like this), but this is a minor quibble. Most will just be happy to have this released at all as it’s been a forgotten gem for far too long.

Thanks to Legend Films for stepping up the plate in bringing us genre fans some titles that would have otherwise still be sitting in the vaults. A quick glance at their website Legendfilms.com (under the section: Studio Films), tells us that this summer will be full of hidden gems and forgotten treasures. All of these titles are new to the format and most of them are cult classics that the fans have been screaming for over a decade now. Some of the titles include Saul Bass’ Phase IV, Jacques Demy’s The Pied Piper, the infamously politically incorrect Mandingo, and the 1981 slasher-spoof Student Bodies.

CHiPs: The Complete Second Season

Written by Hombre Divertido

In Season One of the series the show had yet to really find it’s footing. The roles were still being defined and the writing was awkward. In Season Two, the show really begins to hit its stride. Not that is always a good stride. No matter what, this is Dukes of Hazard in Southern California and will always be ‘70s schmaltz at its best. Yes, it’s big teeth, big hair, big cars chases and crashes, and some disco thrown in for good measure, but it can be fun in doses.

The chemistry between our heroes, California Highway Patrol Officers Jon Baker (Larry Wilcox) and Frank “Ponch” Poncherello (Erik Estrada) is better in Season Two than in Season One as Jon becomes more of the straight man for the antics of Ponch, but this will become even more obvious in future seasons as Erik Estrada becomes the breakout star.

The show also becomes more of an ensemble this season as more opportunities are given to Robert Pine as Sgt. Joseph Getraer and Paul Linke as Officer Arthur Grossman. Lou Wagner joined the cast chief mechanic Harlan Arliss. Wagner brought a subtle humor to the show that would be appreciated for the remainder of the series.

This season is filled with fun episodes and lots of great guest stars from the era and some future stars. It’s great fun to see whom you can spot between the crashing cars that manage to fly through the air.

For the true ChiPs fans; look for Randi Oakes to make an appearance in Episode 35 “Down Time” as Kim the car thief. She would later mend her ways and become a cast member as officer Bonnie Clark.

Not a lot of extras here, but the featurette “The Real ChiPs” with Erik Estrada is fun. Whereas you may have always thought that the real ChiPs were rolling their eyes at the show, it would appear that they appreciated the publicity and the recruiting assistance. The last episode of the season, which is a feature-length retrospective of some of the highlights from the first two seasons, is also listed as a special feature but that is a little generous.

Recommendation: This is simple cheesy fun for the whole family. Be careful not to watch too many episodes in a row. Not only will you tire of the formula, but you may also find yourself with a desire to wear silk shirts and bell-bottoms.

JEKYLL AND HYDE…TOGETHER AGAIN

Written by El Fangorio

Well let me start off by guessing that you are either scratching your head, trying to remember this film, or you are about to call your best friend when you were 12 to let him know that it’s happened: Jekyll and Hyde…Together Again is finally being released on DVD. It really is that kind of movie. For those that fall into the former camp, look up the original artwork for the video box and chances are you will recall seeing the crude illustration when you were younger and saying to yourself, “Fuck that dumb-ass looking movie.” But for those in the know, all I can ask is, “Why didn’t you make me watch this?” because it’s a damn funny film and about as politically incorrect as it’s going to get these days, and if nothing else, one hell of a fun walk down early ‘80s memory lane. Thank you, Legend Films, for rescuing yet another forgotten gem from the vaults at Paramount Studios.

Spoofing both the Robert Louis Stevens story and the 1963 film The Nutty Professor, Jekyll and Hyde…Together Again tells the story of Dr. Daniel Jekyll’s ongoing quest to harness man’s animal instincts. A mishap in the lab causes Jekyll to accidentally snort one of his botched concoctions, which in turn transforms him into the extra-hairy, extra-horny, extra-gold chain-wearing party animal, Mr. Hyde. Of course it isn’t long before Hyde’s all-nighters start taking it’s toll on Jekyll’s mundane professional and love life (not to mention his bank account) and he soon realizes that one of them has to go.

You’re going to be able to tell within the first 10 minutes if this is your kind of movie. Whether it’s the sound of a big ol’ gong being used to signify the presence of a Chinaman or straight up punching a woman in the face, this film has something to offend everyone. If the sight of someone greeting John Merrick (aka The Elephant Man) with a friendly slap on the head (resulting in his obvious “Owwww”), sounds funny to you, then you’re going to love this. Personally, nothing could be more hilarious.

Add to this, a great performance by its lead, Mark Blankfield (Blinkin from Robin Hood’s Men in Tights along with countless television appearances), who plays the characters as if he really did have a dual personality. I honestly couldn’t believe the same person played them until I checked the IMDB. Looking like Marty Feldman’s little brother, the guy need only contort the left side of his face (which he does a lot) to get a laugh out of me because let’s face it, the dude is funny looking just standing there. And that’s just when he’s Jekyll. When this guy turns into the perpetually gyrating, coke-snorting, sex fiend that is Mr. Hyde, you won’t know which one is funnier.

It’s also a lot of fun watching who’s going to pop on the screen next since this is chock full of either early ‘80s favorites or soon-to-be late ‘80s has-beens. Whether it’s Elvira (her face hidden by a surgical mask but clearly her voice and boobs), Norm from Cheers (dubbed but clearly his face and gut), or the kid from The NeverEnding Story, you will more than once say “I love that guy/girl! What the hell happened to them anyways?” And if nostalgia is your trip, then prepare for a hot visit to the video arcade (“Look, there’s Vanguard!”) and an even better jaunt through the cereal aisle at a local supermarket (“I forgot all about Kelloggs’ Most!”). Hell, this movie even has some cool (albeit low-budget) special FX when it comes to the transformation scenes, using good old-fashioned stop-motion photography to show how Hyde “grows” his tacky gold jewelry and newly firmed buttocks.

Once again, Legend Films delivers a fine presentation with a 1.78 transfer and it’s original mono audio. It could have benefited with some subtitles but there does appear to be closed captioning available. Like most of their releases this month, Legend Films has given us a bare-bones affair that doesn’t even include a trailer, which certainly could have helped in proving that this film did actually exist in the theater. And it bears noting that, unlike their previous releases, this doesn’t include the original artwork on its cover, as it was probably the number one reason this wasn’t viewed more often. Let’s hope this release changes that, as this is one film that deserves a wider audience.

Night of the Living Dead (40th Ann. Ed.)

Written by Hombre Divertido

After forty years this little film made by a bunch of people who were still learning their craft, produced on a shoestring budget, starring both actors and non-actors none of whom you had ever heard of, still manages to do exactly what it was intended: scare the audience.

Produced in 1968, the film that set the trend for all zombie movies to come, tells the story of a group of people trapped in a farmhouse surrounded by zombies over the course of a night in which radiation from space has caused the recently deceased to come back to life in search of human flesh.

Filmed in black and white, the film creates a terrifying situation that draws the audience in, and keeps them on the edge of their respective seats for the entire 96 minutes. The key to the success, and lesson for filmmakers of today, is keep it simple. If you tell a good story well, they will come. And come they have continued to do for forty years to this little film that could, like zombies to dead bodies in a burning truck.

Helmed by now legendary George A Romero, Night of the Living Dead continues to be considered a classic that has spawned numerous sequels, remakes, and imitators. It is also serves as a blueprint to young filmmakers on how to make a movie.

The recently released 40th Anniversary Edition from the Weinstein Company's Dimension Extreme is restored and re-mastered, looking and sounding great, but it is the extras that make this release worth owning. The new feature-length documentary One For the Fire is a must-see for any fan of this movie or of the genre. It includes great interviews with many involved in the making of this film, and lends amazing insight into the process. The bonus material also includes audio commentary by Romero and members of the cast and crew, a Q&A with Romero, the theatrical trailer, still gallery, the original script accessed through a computer, and the last interview with the late Duane Jones which reflects the intelligence of this superb actor and how he dealt with the fame that came with the unexpected popularity of the film.

One of the enjoyable aspects of the bonus material, especially One For the Fire, is the intrigue that most posses with the question of “where are they now?” It is very enjoyable, and in some cases sad, to see and hear of what has become of the cast and crew. One cannot help but smile as we watch Judith O’Dea (Barbara) and Russell Streiner (Johnny) revisit the cemetery where it all started forty years ago. Noticeably missing was any mention of Judith Ridley who played Judy.

Recommendation: Even if you already own a copy of this film, this new release will be a valuable addition to your collection. Consider the acquisition for the documentary One For the Fire, and allow the new release of the film to serve as the bonus material. You won’t be disappointed.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Written by Hombre Divertido

The old saying that you can’t go home again is true, yet we all look to visit places from our past. Yes, we may be older and the memories may have faded over time, but it is often an enjoyable experience nonetheless. Such is the case with this return visit to Narnia.

Much of the innocence of youth, and naivety associated with our four heroes is lost this time out. They are older and more experienced, and though we may miss what we once knew, there is plenty of excitement still to be discovered in the interesting land that is Narnia.

Our heroes, Georgie Henley (Lucy), Skandar Keynes (Edmund), Anna Popplewell (Susan), and Wiliam Moseley (Peter) have only been back in our world for a year, but 1300 years have passed in Narnia when they are summoned back by Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes), who is fleeing for his life from his evil uncle Miraz (Sergio Castellitto), who is out to secure the throne for himself and eventually his son. Caspian is befriended by the long-thought-extinct Narnian creatures hat have been in hiding. Caspian and our four heroes lead the Narnians in a mighty battle against Miraz and his mighty army.

Yes, this film lacks the simplicity of the four children finding their way in a strange land that we came to appreciate in the first outing, but this time around the story is faster paced and far more visually impressive. The cinematography and special effects are a treat for the eyes, as are the performances and vocal talents.

Where this film may struggle is in finding its audience. Though there is an obvious effort to avoid the display of violence that is clearly occurring, it is still too much for young children. The mature audience may find the mythical creatures too silly to appreciate.

For those who can appreciate the subtle humor of the Narnians, and the action without blood, this is visually stunning popcorn movie that will leave you wanting for the next installment.

Recommendation: Catch it while is in the theatres. At 144 minutes of humor, action, and beautiful imagery, you are sure to get your monies worth.

GRACE IS GONE

Written by Hombre Divertido

The loss of a loved one is an isolating experience, and having an actor of John Cusack’s talents playing someone in that situation can actually work against you.

In Grace is Gone, Cusack plays Stanley Phillips, father of two, manager of a Home Store (think Home Depot), frustrated patriot who could not get into the military because of his eyesight, and husband to Army Sergeant Grace Phillips. When Stanley is informed that his wife has been killed in Iraq, he must now tell his two daughters (Gracie Bednarczyk and Shélan O'Keefe). Faced with this daunting task, he avoids the situation and takes his daughters on a road trip.

The actors’ performances are solid, and that is what makes this film so challenging. It is difficult for the rational person to understand and relate to the irrational thoughts and actions of someone who has suffered such a tragedy, and thus it takes too long to get to know these people. Little assistance is provided by writer/director James C. Strouse, who gives us too little insight into the family. We don’t know Stanley or his daughters, and never get to meet his wife. We are simply left to watch Stanley struggle.

The film achieves one level and sustains it throughout the film. At 92 minutes, more depth could have easily been provided. This film should be relatable and possibly even a comfort to those who have suffered through similar situations, but since that tragic-stricken group is in the minority of the viewing audience, better-rounded character development would have better served the audience.

The Special Features on the DVD include “A Conversation on Grace” which includes interviews with Strouse, Cusack, and others involved in the film. Unfortunately many goals of the film are discussed, most of which were not accomplished. Also included is “Inspiration For Grace is Gone” which profiles a real family that suffered a similar tragedy. Had the actual film given us this much depth into the family, it would have been a far superior film.

Recommendation: Though the performance of Cusack is solid, it is difficult watching this character make what seem to be bad choices, when so many bad choices were made behind the camera. This film is simply too one dimensional to recommend.

The soundtrack which features music by Clint Eastwood is worth a listen.

TEETH

Written by Guest Reviewer Mel Odom

When Teeth first started getting shopped around as a possible film project, the premise raised immediate interest…and eyebrows. No one, after hearing the subject matter, could have been totally comfortable with the prospect of the film. I known when I read about it I had my doubts whether the movie could be successfully made in a manner that would allow it the screen time it needed at the box office. However, the potential as a cult hit and a fan favorite nagged at me like a, well, sore tooth.

The idea just wouldn’t go away. As evidenced in the DVD’s special features, the concept of a toothed vagina is spread over several cultures around the world, though there have never been any actual reported cases of it.

Still, I was intrigued and prepared for the worst. I figured the gratuitous violence and potential for maiming scenes would be at an all-time high. Instead Director Mitchell Lichtenstein choose to tell a solid story based in a dysfunctional family and with the jaded view of high school as a backdrop. Both of these areas are way too common in our world these days, and they allow Teeth to explore those areas while at the same time shocking the viewer with the diametrical opposition of Dawn’s innocence and capacity for vengeance.

I’m not familiar with Jess Weixler’s other work, but she turns in a great performance as a budding ingénue with a secret that she doesn’t even know about. If she doesn’t get typecast as the Teeth girl, I think she’s going to pull down some serious roles in the near future.

John Hensley stars as bad boy stepbrother Brad. He’s been around several television series (Nip/Tuck) and movies, but just hasn’t broken out. He portrays evil really well in this film. I didn’t like him from the moment he stepped on stage and I waited constantly for him to get his comeuppance.

The movie, for all the imagined gore that comes to mind, is surprisingly less graphic than I thought it would be. The scenes of violence are less bloody than they could have been, and were maybe more jarring because of it.

The pacing is slow at the beginning, but it builds Dawn’s character and shows what she’s up against. All the betrayal she’s going to face is skillfully negotiated up front in the build-up, and most viewers that stick with this one are going to understand where she’s coming from when the end of the movie comes.

However, the “adaptation” that Dawn harbors within her is never – to my satisfaction – adequately explained. It’s supposed to be a jump in evolution, but no one hazards a serious guess as to how this happened. Demonic possession would have been an easy plot hook to hang it all on, but that wasn’t present either. So the biological difference that gives the movie its name and its bite is more a plot convenience than anything serious.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. As with any good horror movie with a touch of black comedy, there were moments when I didn’t know whether to be appalled or howl with laughter. Sometimes I did both – at once. Teeth is a lot of what viewers will expect to see based on the premise, but the movie has some definite seriousness to it as well as a message about being female in today’s world.

1800 Black Label Select Silver Tequila

Written by Caballero Oscuro

Although this new tequila is from established maker 1800, the most important number to keep in mind is 100. 1800 Black Label Select Silver Tequila is reportedly the first 100-proof premium tequila on the market. It’s 100% agave and distilled twice to make it “100% smooth” according to their marketing. We Snobs don’t put much faith in marketing, so we needed to take a taste test to substantiate the claims. Frankly, I’d never sampled 1800’s wares before, personally considering them to be a cut below premium due to their lower price point and as such only useful for mixing into maragaritas. Turns out I was wrong, at least about the Black Label product.

At first whiff, the Select Silver smells like a high-quality product, and thankfully it’s no deception. Unlike most silvers, 1800 blends in a touch of aged tequila to give it added depth of character without sacrificing its crystal-clear color. Okay, so it looks good and smells enticing, but how’s the taste? Well, first of all, if you’re accustomed to downing shots of 80-proof tequila, rest assured that the bump up to 100 proof is most definitely noticeable. This baby burns going down, but it’s a good burn, mixing in a touch of pain to go with its overwhelming pleasure. You’ll want to keep your favorite curse word handy when you come up for air, because that first shot is definitely a doozy. Feel free to mix it up or go with the same curse again on round two, you’ll still need it.

But here’s the thing: the taste is fantastic. The blend of clear silver with a hint of more robust aged tequila produces a sensory delight that will make you want to go back for more even as you’re fighting back tears from that first shot. You’re guaranteed to feel completely alive and invigorated as you experience this new concoction, just take it easy since that 100 proof could sneak up on you quickly. You could use it as a mixer, and maybe that’s even the recommended method of ingestion, but in this reviewer’s opinion it makes no sense to dilute this pure pleasure with anything else save maybe the classic lime and salt accompaniments.

The tequila comes housed in 1800’s classic standard glass bottle design, although it’s instantly recognizable as a different beast thanks to its classy new black and silver label. The weighty stopper offers a bit too much resistance during extraction due to its snug faux-cork plastic bottom, which may cause some unfortunate party fouls by careless fiesta animals, but definitely keeps the bottle’s precious contents secured. No word on whether or not reposado and anejo varieties are forthcoming in the new 100 proof Select line, but they would seem to be naturals once this excellent silver conquers the market. For more information, visit the 1800 website.