HELL RIDE

Written by Fantasma el Rey

From writer/director/star Larry Bishop (yes, Joey’s son) comes Hell Ride! A romping, stomping, “whopper of a chopper opera” that moves fast and is filled with “bikes, beer, and booty.” It may not be fun for all, but if you find classic biker flix to your liking, then Hell Ride is the ride for you. There are no major plot twists or turns that come out of nowhere (Bishop is wise to leave that sort of thing to a guy like Scorsese), and there is a bit too many naked girls running around (if it’s truly possible to have too many) but for 83 minutes I was lost in the spaghetti-western, B-movie film-noir yarn of biker law and honor.

The plot is a simple one that revolves around the biker brotherhood of The Victors MC settling an old score with revived rival outlaw biker clan The Six-Six-Six-ers and its leader Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones). Cool names abound as Victors’ prez Pistolero (Bishop) attempts to finally close the case and keep his word to a murdered love (Cherokee Kisum played by Julia Jones) lost 32 years ago in a drug deal gone bad. With his two lieutenants, The Gent (Michael Madsen) and the young Comanche (Eric Balfour), who is more than he appears to be, at his side Pistolero aims to right past wrongs, purge his crew of traitors and turncoats, and put to rest some of the demons that have plagued his heart and soul for over 30 years.

Along the way the bonds of brotherhood are reaffirmed, throats are cut, people set a blaze, mysteries solved, and the outlaws ride off into the sunset to continue living the dream. There are also biker orgies to attend, booze to consume, wonderful weapons of all kinds to use, and old friends to revisit as the “classic” outlaw lifestyle of the never-ending party is played up as well as biker lore of how one earns their colors, wings, and other honors.

With 20 days and not a lot of cash to shoot this thing Bishop delivers a film that is at times a bit overplayed, hokey (the peyote scene), and a tad too deep into “the pussy,” yet overall entertaining. Bishop stays clear of tired antics to try and make his film appear as a lost gem of the past. There are no grainy film prints or missing frames. Just a simple attempt to continue and improve upon the way he made movies nearly 40 years ago when he put out films like The Savage Seven. Bishop has turned out a modern western with motorcycles replacing horses and leather vests in place of black hats.

The cast played a big part in the shaping of Hell Ride as well. If not already bike savvy, they became so while adding what they could to the characters they portrayed. Madsen is the strongest as The Gent, with his idea to play the role in a tux; as horrid as that sounds he pulls it off well. Dennis Hopper and David Carradine have small parts that stand out just as much as Leonor Varela and Laura Cayouette in roles of the important women in Pistolero’s life.

The DVD special features do a fine job in going into what Bishop was trying to do with Hell Ride and why those involved got on board. The extras also include a closer look at the authentic and very mean-looking bikes used in the movie as well as the chicks used in the film. There is also audio commentary that cracks open the wacky mind of Bishop who is fun to listen to as he explains his reasons and inspiration for certain shots and scenes.

So if a simple run through the desert with badass bikers, hot girls, and a straightforward story with a few holes sounds like a good time, check out Larry Bishop’s Hell Ride. I did and got a kick start out of it, but then again, I love such dirty, bloody, lowdown tales of outlaws that blur the lines of good and evil. Some are better than others, but if you can forget the world for an hour and a half and lose yourself in another one, then mission accomplished.

Comedy Central Salutes George W. Bush

Comedy Central has always been a great cable channel with tons of laughs, but our 43rd President really helped them shoot up to the top of the charts. There has been a plethora of material which George W. Bush has given comedians over the last eight years and here on this DVD is some of that laughter. It features a few stand-up comics like Lewis Black and Patton Oswald and also includes episodes from shows like Lil’ Bush, Mind of Mencia, and South Park. This collection has a lot to laugh at, and if you watch Comedy Central on a regular basis, you may have already seen what’s on here.

This DVD was just all right. The shows that are featured were good, but if they would have just featured Bush being himself it would have been a lot funnier. First off, there should have been more stand-up comics. These spotlights came from the shows Last Laugh '06 and '07. Come on, only these clips were the comics that ragged on Bush for the past eight years. Really? Black, Oswald, and Greg Geraldo when doing their stand-up still made me laugh, as well as Black’s Root of All Evil where the featured episode was “Dick Cheney vs. Paris Hilton”, but when it came to the South Park episode where Eric blames 9/11 on Kyle and they meet the President, it really wasn’t centered on the Bush. If you saying that you are highlighting the follies of W, then it would have been better to show him on the job. Oh, it was a funny South Park show, but the crazy twist to the end was half-assed at best and the President’s part was idiotic and not in a “decider” kind of way.

I watched the first season of Lil’ Bush and liked it but not enough to keep it on the “record” list for my DVR. One episode they picked out was the one where Lil’ George and crew go to Iraq to find something good to give to his dad on Father’s Day was weak, and though my short-term memory eludes me, I know there were other funnier episodes. Even the other episode where Lil’ George has to have a girl kiss him to win a bet gave me a chuckle, but it just wasn’t that funny.

When it came to the Mind of Mencia, again there were better clips that Comedy Central could have used, and considering that they used two episodes from Lil’ Bush and two from Bushed, they could have used those spaces on the disc to add a little more Mencia.
You would think, or at least I did, that The Daily Show and The Colbert Report would have a bunch of episodes included. Well, think again. The shows which were featured by both of these late-night monarchs could have been better, but “Marines in Berkley” and “Tip/Wag Afghanistan” were funny but there were better shows. I laugh every time I see bears as America’s number-one threat and when Jon does his Bush impersonation; Hee hee hee.

Yes, this DVD is funny, but it could have been better. If Comedy Central did it in a rush, it shows. A few comedians have stated that with Bush you couldn’t write better comedy, and some of the funniest things I have seen have been just Bush in action, like the infamous, “Fool me once…” quote where he ended it with a Who lyric. How do I rate this? If you see it in the discount bin and you’re as high as a kite, then get it. If not, then don’t worry about it, you aren’t missing anything.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Blu-ray)

Written by El Fangorio

This film sucks. I hate it. I gave it three chances: once in the theater on opening day, once at a drive-in, and this last time on Blu-ray. Each and every time, I hated it (with the drive-in being the most painless). And let me state for the record that I love the franchise almost as much as I love the Star Wars trilogy. I love them in the order that they were made (yes, Temple of Doom over Last Crusade; I am willing to fight over it) and find them pretty much flawless. Granted I was the perfect age for them but then so was everyone (parents included) and you would think that if Lucas and Spielberg decided that after 20 years, it was worth bringing Indy back, that it must have been for a hell of a good reason. Why did I think the man that used to be “George Lucas” (seriously, who is this hack imposter?) would be capable of pulling this off? He sucks. He takes great pleasure in taking something beloved and making it totally asinine. Did I mention yet how much this film sucks?

Let’s start with the mandatory-to-the-series opening shot where, in all three prior films, the opening Paramount logo (the mountain) dissolves into the opening shot of the film, matching it perfectly. In Raiders, it segues into a mountain in South America; in Temple of Doom, it’s a gong in the Club Obi-Wan; and in The Last Crusade, it becomes a cliff in some landscape from Indy’s past. This one opens up on a fucking CGI groundhog hill (you know because it costs so much to build a real one these days) and out pops a fucking CGI prairie dog (because apparently they’re extinct now) to let us know that from here on out, this film is going to blow.

Still, this apparent crossover from Over the Hedge is only the tip of the digitally manipulated iceberg. There are CGI monkeys (because real ones are invisible to the camera eye and cannot be filmed) and CGI giant ants (because real ones don’t exist because God knew how damn stupid they would look). There’s a big CGI triple-decker waterfall and everyone goes “whoooaaaaa” every time they go over a level, each time surfacing from the 500-story foot drops onto the jagged rocks below, unscathed and laughing. There’s also a CGI warehouse, a CGI Russian camp, a CGI jungle, a CGI plane, a CGI Classroom, a CGI Library, a CGI Mountain, a CGI temple with a big CGI entrance…the only thing that isn’t CGI are the actors which would have all been better off computer generated.

Starting with Harrison Ford. Did he have a stroke and not tell anyone? Throughout the entire film, he acts like a retarded old man that doesn’t understand what’s going on. The film could just as easily been called Regarding Henry Jones. As for the eagerly awaited return of Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen)? Her performance is totally ruined, likely by an intake of anti-depressants from being out of work for so long. Seriously. She doesn’t stop smiling for the entire duration of the film and looks insane. As for their son Mutt, I have to admit, I was shocked to find that the one thing I thought could sink the film (I was so naïve) was actually the only thing that didn’t. Shia LaBeouf (“not quite a nerd, not quite a hunk”) is actually decent. His lines are all tailor-made for his already patented delivery so it’s kind of hard to fail on his part. Wait a minute, he totally sat back and let George and Steven run this idea by him and said “I’ll do it”: We want you to swing on CGI vines with CGI monkeys through a CGI jungle. So forget what I said. Shia LaBeouf, you’re an asshole! Oh yeah, Cate Blanchett is in it and believe it or not, she sucks. She does. Watch it and tell me how scary she is compared to Raiders’ Toht, Doom’s Mola Ram, and Last Crusade’s…well, just compare her to those first two. She sucked! And oh my god….John Hurt. I’ll say he did, too. What an awful, awful role.

And what an awful, awful film (for lack of a better transition). Still, George and Steven have a pretty good excuse: they’re almost 70 years old. Swear to god. How many films does your grandpa direct? Whatever. Lucas has been rolling out the stinkrockets for a loooong time now. He is no longer “George Lucas”. He is one of the lizards from V (that’s a guinea pig lodged in his throat) that plans on making the whole world CGI. As for Spielberg, he made Jaws (and about 15 other total masterpieces), but that doesn’t excuse his going along with this script. To think he actually sat there and listened to George suggest that Indy should survive an atomic fucking blast by hiding in a refrigerator (“we’ll show a close-up of the label on the door indicating that it’s made of lead so we should be fine”)? Next time, just keep it to yourselves. You are obviously too out of touch with today’s film audience, which is pretty much the same one you entertained the first three times out of the park.

Indian Jones and the Crystal of the Kingdom Skulls of Tinytown (or whatever the hell it’s called) is on Blu-ray. Hoo-ray. And like my dear old grandmother used to say, “You can’t polish a turd.” It’s still the same film so who cares? And truth be told, I wasn’t that impressed with the picture quality. Yes, you can see detail down to the individual hairs on their heads, the tiny threads of their costumes, the deep cavernous wrinkles of the skin on almost all of the actors but everything else around them is fake and now really looks like it. And director of photography Janusz Kaminski’s typical unrestrained lighting schemes do not help. The promise Spielberg made early on in production that he and Kaminski were going to try their best to make this film look like the originals? All lies. Yes, they shot on film (instead of digital) but they still ran it through a computer and manipulated the hell out of it. Check out the subtle lighting in just the classroom scene. Those students are literally glowing like something from the afterlife. It’s this kind of photography (hyper-overexposure) that is the proverbial smoke and mirrors as it helps to blend what is real and what is digital but it’s as if the format is working against it, revealing all its digital trickery.

As for the audio, you really can’t go wrong here. Granted the skin-crawling banter between Ford and Allen is there in all it’s TrueHD 5.1 glory but then so are the action sequences that at least sound real even if they do look like a video game. The score by regular collaborator John Williams isn’t as memorable as you’d like (okay, you hum the new theme then) but it sounds great and is never incidental. So if you’re into purchasing Blu-rays based solely on sound design, or if you’re blind, then I would definitely recommend this purchase. But only you guys.

As for the special features available, all are taken over from the standard DVD release except they are all shown in HD which is always nice even if it like putting a silk scarf on a pig in this case. There’s a Pre-Production Featurette (11:00) and a plain old featurette titled “The Return of a Legend” (17:34) along with a longer production diary titled “Making Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” which clocks in at a healthy 80 minutes. There is absolutely no mention of Harrison Ford’s stroke, Karen Allen’s addiction to goofballs, or Lucas and Spielberg’s playing an enormous joke on the fans so I wouldn’t trust anything this “special” feature has to say. Also, divided into six parts (to make it look longer) are various clips about various crap (most of it CGI). There are also three pre-vis sequences that prove how difficult it is to film actual animals and locations and why everything from now on should be CGI. There are two art galleries and one of these is easily the only worthwhile thing on the release: Stan Winston Studio. Okay, I have to go cry now ‘cause he’s dead. It was this film that did it I tell you. Last but not least, there are some production photos showing everyone having a good time at the expense of the fans. There are also portraits and behind-the-scenes photographs, which apparently aren’t the same as production photos.

So what are you running for? Sit, don’t stand and reconsider watching this film lest you risk tarnishing the admiration you have for this franchise and its creators. It’s a serious mess with flaws of such a ridiculous level. Seriously, the kind you only see in poorly made films (how in the fuck did Indy and Mutt go from that holding room where Hurt’s character was supposed to be to the top of that mountain where all the idiots hop in and out of holes?). Here’s to hoping that Lucas holes himself up at the Skywalker Assisted Living Ranch and that Spielberg’s hearing aide is turned off the next time his buddy has a great idea for a movie.

ICONS OF HORROR

Written by El Fangorio

Following their Icons of Adventure box set released earlier in the year comes Sony’s Icons of Horror series, a quartet of genre films heralding from Britain’s legendary Hammer Studios. All of them are premiering on DVD for the first time, making it a special release indeed, as most haven’t been seen since the days (nights) of the late, late show. They all herald from the ‘60s with each title offering something unique, making it perfect for those nights when only a certain type of horror film will do. There’s three that star Christopher Lee, there’s two that involve monsters, there’s one that’s filmed in black and white, and there’s two that are shot in widescreen. Best of all, they all clock in at under 90 minutes.

Starting off on disc one is 1960’s The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll, starring Paul Massie, Dawn Adams, and Christopher Lee. The good Dr. Jekyll, in his efforts to study the darker side of man, injects himself with a serum that causes his inner demons to manifest as his alter ego, Mr. Hyde. When Dr. J. finds out his wife is having an affair, it’s up to the good doctor to try and keep his senses lest his alter ego catches wind. This version isn’t too much different than others except that they chose to make Hyde less of a monster and more of a predatory ladies man, which is, let’s face it, not real scary. It doesn’t help that the make-up effects consist solely of facial hair for Jeckyll and smooth-shaven for Hyde, making it all the more unbelievable when nobody notices it’s the same person. It’s easily the weakest of the four titles at hand but is more than justified by it’s scrumptious color cinematography, shot in the 2.35:1 aspect ratio, and mercifully short running time.

Disc one continues with the series’ other widescreen outing, The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb. Released in 1964 and directed by Hammer studio head Michael Carreras, Curse is the second of Hammer’s Mummy sequels and is known to many fans as not only the worst of the series but also the worst of the entire Hammer collection. The story is typical mummy fare with an undiscovered tomb being desecrated by scholars, resulting in an ancient curse and a resurrected wrapped one. With its history, I was expecting a lot worse but was pleasantly surprised to find the mummy sequences to be well-shot and exciting and at times, even a little gory.

Disc two opens up with one of the most anticipated Hammer releases, 1964’s The Gorgon. Playing a lot like their earlier The Reptile, The Gorgon opens up with the mysterious death of a local villager at the hands of an unseen creature. The townspeople prefer to turn a blind eye to the incidents, fearing local legends of a monster that can turn people to stone, leaving the mystery to be solved by the victim’s relative. From its decaying castles to misty forests, the look of The Gorgon is pure Hammer at its finest. Another outing directed by Terrence Fisher with an emphasis on style, this is a great example of how the studio was able to revamp early gothic horror via eye-popping color. The title creature, almost always in shadows, is one of the best and truly eerie.

Capping off the collection and, in my honest opinion, saving the best for last, is Scream of Fear. It tells the timeless tale of the already-fragile heiress (this time played by Susan Strasberg) who comes home from the asylum only to start seeing corpses (again). Is she relapsing? Or is this like every Jimmy Sangster script ever written? Needless to say, this had already been done several times by Hammer and Sangster, namely with Paranoiac and Nightmare, but who cares? This time it’s the best. Strasberg is a hell of a screamer and for good reason: those creepy-ass run-ins with her father’s corpse are some real shockers. Filmed in glorious high-contrast b&w, Scream of Fear is a textbook example of what the format was still capable of and thanks to Sangster’s script, the pace is never dull.

Sony does the Hammer fan proud by giving all of these transfers the high-definition treatment. They truly look spectacular with two of the titles, Mummy and Jekyll being their original versions, preserving some minor cussing and an extended ending for the latter. All transfers are anamorphic with digital mono audio, always sounding crisp and clean. Alas, the only special features offered are each of the titles’ theatrical trailers, which also look stunning (The Gorgon’s being the rarely seen British version). It also bears noting that the cover artwork was voted on by the fans in a web poll, proving just to what extent Sony went to make the Monster Kids happy.

TINKER BELL

Written by Senora Bicho

Approximately 11 years ago I became permanently attached to Tinker Bell via a tattoo on my left ankle. She has always been one of my favorite Disney characters since she wasn’t the typical heroine. She was feisty and strong while being considered wide in the hips for usual cartoon females. The new film Tinker Bell has me seriously thinking about tattoo removal.

The story is simple, it begins with how Tinker Bell came into existence and introduces us to the world of fairies and their home, Pixie Hollow. Each fairy has a special talent that is utilized for the changing of the seasons on the mainland. Tinker Bell is a tinker and is responsible for building items to aid the other fairies in their work and therefore doesn’t get to travel to the mainland. Tinker Bell soon comes to the conclusion that her job is boring and wants to learn another talent so that she can go with everyone else to turn winter into spring. Thus the adventure begins.

Disney has had many years to come up with a story for Tinker Bell; what they have come up with is boring and simplistic. I was trying to watch the movie through the eyes of a young girl and I think even they will be bored. Good messages are provided about learning to appreciate who you are and what makes you special, but they could have come up with a more interesting story to convey those messages.

Tinker Bell was made using 3-D digital animation which is vastly different from the traditional animation used for Peter Pan. The background colors and scenery look fantastic but the fairies look strange and Tinker Bell just doesn’t look right. And, yes, she speaks. I understand a movie with just jingling wouldn’t work but it certainly takes a little getting used to. Tinker Bell is voiced by a relatively unknown actress Mae Whitman who will probably be best recognized by children watching the movie as she was Katara in the animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender. Angelica Houston, America Ferrera, Lucy Liu and Kristin Chenoweth also lend their voices to the film.

There are a few special features on the DVD. “Magical Guide to Pixie Hollow” explores all of the different areas of the fairies' home, “Ever Wonder” shows how fairies impact nature, and “Tinker Trainer” is a DVD-ROM activity. There is also a music video for “Fly to your Heart,” one of the songs from the film sung by Selena Gomez. “Creating Pixie Hollow” is a ten-minute making-of and there also three deleted scenes with optional commentary by director Bradley Raymond and producer Jeannine Roussel.

Tinker Bell is one of Disney’s most popular characters and I really wish they would have put a little more time and effort into a more thoughtful and creative movie but I have no doubt that it will do well. Disney is certainly counting on it since they already have three sequels in the works. As a Tinker Bell fan, I was extremely disappointed and am anxious to pop Peter Pan into the DVD player in hopes of wiping Tinker Bell from my mind as quickly as possible.

JACK FROST (Remastered Deluxe Edition)

Written by El Fangorio

Just in time for Halloween comes this Christmas classic that opens up on Groundhog’s Day. Marketing strategies aside, one may take refuge in knowing that it’s by those maestros of stop-motion puppetry, Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass. They are, of course, the creators of such holiday staples as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, Yuletide television favorites that still get annual airings some 40 years later.

The story of Jack Frost, he of nose-nipping fame, is told by world famous groundhog, Pardon-Me-Pete (Buddy Hackett). Pete explains the relationship between his seeing his own shadow and the resulting extra month of winter that allows Jack to spread his frosty cheer. Pete also goes on to tell the story of how Jack once sacrificed his own immortality and winter wizardry to be human so that he could stay with the one woman he loved. Of course we all know that this never works out and that no human being is worth the loss of super-awesome super powers.

Though not as obscure as some of their other titles (Leprechaun’s Christmas Gold and First Christmas Snow come to mind), Jack Frost has been content to sit in the shadows of its more popular December brethren until the Family Channel picked it up as part of their annual programming a few years back.

Now, thanks to the people at Warners, Jack Frost comes to us as a remastered deluxe edition, putting to shame the earlier transfers found on its various digital incarnations, most of which were public domain. While the picture quality alone is worth the small price tag, this release still could have benefited from some better special features. One would think that the R&B vaults would be brimming with behind-the-scenes footage but the only extras on hand here are a few sing-a-longs and a segment called “Totally Cool Crafty Creations.” This thankfully short bonus would be better off titled “Three Disasters Waiting To Happen,” with one of the recipes even calling for a bag of Sodium Polyacrylate. Trailers for other Warner titles round out the package.

THEN SHE FOUND ME

Written by Pollo Misterioso

Put Helen Hunt behind the camera, calling the shots. Put her in front of the camera to play an emotionally challenged woman. Assemble a small, but very recognizable cast around her and you have the beginnings of Hunt’s feature-length directorial debut. Then She Found Me is a genuine film about human betrayals, filled with the glitches of a first-time filmmaker, but carried by a story that empowers women and causes you to think.

Based off of the novel of the same name by Elinor Lipman, Hunt took on acting, producing, screenwriting, and directing roles for this film. This was a script that had taken her ten years to get to the screen. Clearly, there is a decent amount of care that went into this picture. But it paid off, with a perfect supporting cast played by Colin Firth, Matthew Broderick, and Bette Midler.

Hunt plays the schoolteacher April Epner, who has recently been left by her husband (Broderick) right before her adopted mother passes away and her birth mother (Midler) appears. Plagued with the need to give birth, April struggles with connections with people around her. Firth plays Frank, a single parent raising two children, who is enamored with April. When she tries to start a relationship with Frank, although still married to her husband, she finds out that she is pregnant—making for interesting doctors appointments. When she tries to start a relationship with her birth mother Bernice, she is constantly let down.

Described as a film about betrayal, it is also a film about different relationships with other people and with yourself, but within that comes the disloyalty between human beings. Written in a way that strays from the Hollywood formula, there are very empowering and real-life moments that are quite haunting. In fact, it is supposed to be a comedy, but not the kind of comedy one might think. Instead a light humor is laced throughout, lifting the burden of these intense emotions.

Hunt does an incredible job on both sides of the camera. Her character is a strong woman, but who wears her tragedies on her face and in her body language. Life is not easy for April, or anyone, and it becomes tangible on the screen. Midler is always a joy, bringing a spark and ferocity to Bernice that makes her lovable and despicable at the same time. The two male leads carry their roles perfectly, but the most beautiful scene in the film comes between April and her mother as she cries in the doctor’s office.

Then She Found Me is empowering for women in a way that is not often seen in films. Our female lead goes after what she wants, making mistakes along the way, but still representing a strong-willed woman that wants to be a mother, dealing with what “motherhood” means when she has been adopted herself.

Unfortunately, one might overlook this simple indie film and it could easily be considered boring with its chosen pace. But there are memorable moments that redeem the film. Hunt is clearly finding her voice as a director. On screen and off, there are slight hiccups that make the film short of seamless. That does not discredit all that she did right, but give her a few more films and she will have perfected her craft. As a first film, this shows promise and as an independent picture, Then She Found Me takes the everyday and makes it cinematic, which is never an easy thing to do.

The DVD extras that accompany the film include audio commentary from Hunt. Included are cast interviews with the lead cast. Most interesting is the extra is the entire cast featurette, explaining how they got into the project and what they think of it.

Adam-12: Season Two

Written by Hombre Divertido

In 1968 Jack Webb was in the midst of his second run as police sergeant Joe Friday on the incredibly popular police drama Dragnet. Webb had originally created the program for radio and brought it to television in 1952 where it remained on the air for seven years. Webb brought Dragnet back in 1967, while also planning to launch a similarly themed program based on patrol officers. With Dragnet once again a ratings hit, Webb would launch Adam–12. Like Dragnet, it would be a huge hit and remain on the air for seven years.

Webb not only knew that people had an interest in police stories, he also knew the fundamentals of successful television: keep it simple, focus on endearing characters, and leave the audience wanting more. Adam–12 had all these characteristics, and is a television classic.

Released on September 30th from Shout Factory are all twenty-six original episodes from season two, and it is rare to find any non-serial television show on DVD that will leave you wanting to watch the next episode like this collection will.

Ten years before we were introduced to Jon and Ponch on CHiPs, we met veteran police officer Pete Malloy, played by the former star of the popular series Route 66 Martin Milner, and rookie Jim Reed, played by relative newcomer Kent McCord. Their chemistry was solid, as Malloy was a strong calming force for the enthusiastic and over anxious Reed.

Adam–12 lacked the jocularity, personal life stories, flying cars, athletic adventures, and general cheesiness that peppered episodes of CHiPs. Like Dragnet, Adam–12 was based on real police cases, and played well in that era. Watching it now, it is clearly dated when compared to current law enforcement based entertainment endeavors, but is reminiscent of a simpler time in the world and on television.

Yes, some of the supporting characters were a bit much, and anyone who has taken the Universal Studios Tour will certainly recognize every exterior shot on the show, but by the second season Adam–12 had truly hit its stride. The writing was consistent, and like Dragnet; the thirty-minute format was perfect for the current television landscape.

It is rare that the launch of classic television show on DVD would actually have bonus material that is detrimental to the release as a whole, but the extras here are just incredibly weak and actually have little to do with Adam–12. Photos of historic law enforcement sites and training facilities used by real police officers would seem to have limited appeal, and added legal information to certain episodes in a format that should have been titled “Cop-up Video” is nothing more than a distraction. The worst of the bonus material are the episodes that include commentary by real officers who basically point out how things would be handled differently now, or the errors made in police procedure.

Recommendation: Despite the weak bonus material, this is just good television that will be appreciated by young and old alike. A great addition to all collections.

STUCK

Written by Puño Estupendo

How ridiculous of a premise can you have in a movie before you get taken right out of the experience? But what if that premise is inspired by a true story? I've never really asked myself these questions before, but Stuart Gordon's latest film Stuck had me mulling it over.

The setup is simple but mind-numbingly ignorant: Brandi is a nurse at a retirement home by day and a pill-popping club girl by night. Everything is going great for her because her super-clichéd boss just unofficially offered her a promotion. Mr. Thomas Bardo, however, is having an extremely bad day. He can't seem to catch any breaks whatsoever and embarks on his first night as being homeless. Brandi is driving recklessly home from the club that night, Tom is crossing the street with his newly acquired shopping cart and she hits him. His legs break and he flies headfirst through her windshield and Brandi just keeps on driving, bloody passenger and all, back home and parks him and the car in the garage. The next 12 hours play out with such ridiculous ignorance (of which the film seems to be very aware of) that you somehow can't look away. That seems to be the twisted joke here. You watch this woman Brandi (played with wonderful stupidity by Mena Suvari) do everything in her power to not deal with Stephen Rea's Thomas Bardo, still alive and a bloody mess, stuck in her car's windshield.

Stuart Gordon is definitely becoming an interesting filmmaker after his more famous stretch in B-movie gorefests, which included Re-Animator. His 2005 film Edmond was based on David Mamet's play and Mamet even wrote the screenplay. William H. Macy gave a great performance in it and the film won several awards. Quite a far distance from the horror-head circuit and Stuck seems to continue his unexpected path in this direction.

Stuck is shot very nicely and carries itself well for the most part. Gordon's horror roots come through in a big way though. There are agonizingly long and very graphic scenes in which Bardo tries to free himself from the car and Stuart's past exploitative nature also shines through in a sex scene that goes on a little long given the setting. But that's the feel of this film and it works. The fact that there's a sex scene in this movie at all tells you how infuriatingly ignorant Suvari's character Brandi is. She says things to her crippled garage guest like "Why are you doing this to me?" which had me yelling at my television and laughing at myself for doing so. There are a few more moments like that. Some of the people do the most insanely stupid things, all of which keep that poor man in that windshield, that you'll be shaking your head and telling yourself that nobody is that stupid. All of this anxiety builds up and I was laughing about it, which is what's intended. The ending comes together in a very Tales From The Crypt kind of closure, but after the way the movie plays out, the ending just gave a much needed "There, that's the end" and you can let loose with a relieving sigh.

The disc has absolutely nothing in the way of bonus features. A trailer, that's it. I actually could have used an interview with Gordon on this one, or even one of those lame text screens chronicling some of the production points. All in all, if you've got a twisted taste in humor and aren't afraid of some seriously cringe-inducing scenes, Stuck isn't a bad watch in the least. Leave's me still wanting to follow up with wherever Stuart Gordon's going next.

REST STOP - DON'T LOOK BACK (Uncut)

Written by Fantasma el Rey

Rest Stop: Don’t Look Back. Well, they did warn me in the title.

Potential, yes this movie had it. Rest Stop 2, as I’ll call it going forward, tried to expand on the first movie and add a back story, which always gets me; I’m a sucker for histories. And I was slightly amused for an hour and a half, so I guess that’s a good thing. Anyway, as far as slashers go not too much of that took place and as for the ghost story aspect it’s just okay.

So the plot is thus: G.I. big brother of the douche that got hacked in movie one assembles a team of the usual slasher crew (dumbass sidekick and impatient, hot bitch) and goes looking for baby brother and his girlfriend. Along the way they run into all the creepy folk from Rest Stop Uno and the new crew become the hunted. But this time the new crew are aided by the Ghost of Corpse’s Past and are given clues to “the bus” where all the Driver’s evil goes down. Along the way torture of the new team ensues and half-naked chicks are placed in key camera positions.

What gives this sequel a small niche is its back story and attempt at a California Bermuda Triangle of sorts, where ghosts and spirits run rampant and torture “sinners” as they travel down “The Old Highway.” In round two of Rest Stop we get to see the “who made who” regarding the Driver and the Winnebago Family. The Driver is the hand of God that delivers the death blows while the Winnebago Family, who are religious freaks acting as seekers, helpers, set-up men, or whatever you want to call them, have at it.

So here it is, y’all (Spoiler Alert). The Family kills and tortures the Driver after the Driver bangs the preacher’s wife. Sinner! The Driver must be cleansed (killed), loses a hand and an eye as the Bible commands but in this mysterious corner of the world the body and/or spirit rises and hacks the looney family to bits, gets in his phantom truck, and drives off to an eternity of killing sinners.

We get flashes of what happened in the first movie as we encounter the ghost or almost ghost from the first movie. I say “almost” because when the ghost or these barely living people are encountered, they disappear after some key actions. So did they die awhile ago or just now after the current team finds them and “rescues” them? That part of the film does make me wonder and I was hoping that would be further expanded upon but maybe in the next two or three flicks they hope to make we’ll get the answers.

Anyway, that’s about all this movie’s got. There is not much slashing and torture as the makers wanted to concentrate on the ghost story of Rest Stop 2, which ends up rather confusing. I dig what the makers of this flick tried to do it’s too bad they fell a bit short. Sadly this whole film can be figured out by watching a few minutes of each chapter and then pressing the skip button on the DVD player’s remote; I did both and got the same results except I missed the little gore that took place: nails and drills in thighs, eyeball extraction, minor slashing with sharp objects.

The DVD’s special feature includes a decent look at what the men behind this movie wanted to do. There is audio commentary as well that carries as much insight as the featurette does. Deleted scenes don’t add much either.

So, ghoulies, in short, go watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre instead.