TEETH

Written by Guest Reviewer Mel Odom

When Teeth first started getting shopped around as a possible film project, the premise raised immediate interest…and eyebrows. No one, after hearing the subject matter, could have been totally comfortable with the prospect of the film. I known when I read about it I had my doubts whether the movie could be successfully made in a manner that would allow it the screen time it needed at the box office. However, the potential as a cult hit and a fan favorite nagged at me like a, well, sore tooth.

The idea just wouldn’t go away. As evidenced in the DVD’s special features, the concept of a toothed vagina is spread over several cultures around the world, though there have never been any actual reported cases of it.

Still, I was intrigued and prepared for the worst. I figured the gratuitous violence and potential for maiming scenes would be at an all-time high. Instead Director Mitchell Lichtenstein choose to tell a solid story based in a dysfunctional family and with the jaded view of high school as a backdrop. Both of these areas are way too common in our world these days, and they allow Teeth to explore those areas while at the same time shocking the viewer with the diametrical opposition of Dawn’s innocence and capacity for vengeance.

I’m not familiar with Jess Weixler’s other work, but she turns in a great performance as a budding ingénue with a secret that she doesn’t even know about. If she doesn’t get typecast as the Teeth girl, I think she’s going to pull down some serious roles in the near future.

John Hensley stars as bad boy stepbrother Brad. He’s been around several television series (Nip/Tuck) and movies, but just hasn’t broken out. He portrays evil really well in this film. I didn’t like him from the moment he stepped on stage and I waited constantly for him to get his comeuppance.

The movie, for all the imagined gore that comes to mind, is surprisingly less graphic than I thought it would be. The scenes of violence are less bloody than they could have been, and were maybe more jarring because of it.

The pacing is slow at the beginning, but it builds Dawn’s character and shows what she’s up against. All the betrayal she’s going to face is skillfully negotiated up front in the build-up, and most viewers that stick with this one are going to understand where she’s coming from when the end of the movie comes.

However, the “adaptation” that Dawn harbors within her is never – to my satisfaction – adequately explained. It’s supposed to be a jump in evolution, but no one hazards a serious guess as to how this happened. Demonic possession would have been an easy plot hook to hang it all on, but that wasn’t present either. So the biological difference that gives the movie its name and its bite is more a plot convenience than anything serious.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. As with any good horror movie with a touch of black comedy, there were moments when I didn’t know whether to be appalled or howl with laughter. Sometimes I did both – at once. Teeth is a lot of what viewers will expect to see based on the premise, but the movie has some definite seriousness to it as well as a message about being female in today’s world.

1800 Black Label Select Silver Tequila

Written by Caballero Oscuro

Although this new tequila is from established maker 1800, the most important number to keep in mind is 100. 1800 Black Label Select Silver Tequila is reportedly the first 100-proof premium tequila on the market. It’s 100% agave and distilled twice to make it “100% smooth” according to their marketing. We Snobs don’t put much faith in marketing, so we needed to take a taste test to substantiate the claims. Frankly, I’d never sampled 1800’s wares before, personally considering them to be a cut below premium due to their lower price point and as such only useful for mixing into maragaritas. Turns out I was wrong, at least about the Black Label product.

At first whiff, the Select Silver smells like a high-quality product, and thankfully it’s no deception. Unlike most silvers, 1800 blends in a touch of aged tequila to give it added depth of character without sacrificing its crystal-clear color. Okay, so it looks good and smells enticing, but how’s the taste? Well, first of all, if you’re accustomed to downing shots of 80-proof tequila, rest assured that the bump up to 100 proof is most definitely noticeable. This baby burns going down, but it’s a good burn, mixing in a touch of pain to go with its overwhelming pleasure. You’ll want to keep your favorite curse word handy when you come up for air, because that first shot is definitely a doozy. Feel free to mix it up or go with the same curse again on round two, you’ll still need it.

But here’s the thing: the taste is fantastic. The blend of clear silver with a hint of more robust aged tequila produces a sensory delight that will make you want to go back for more even as you’re fighting back tears from that first shot. You’re guaranteed to feel completely alive and invigorated as you experience this new concoction, just take it easy since that 100 proof could sneak up on you quickly. You could use it as a mixer, and maybe that’s even the recommended method of ingestion, but in this reviewer’s opinion it makes no sense to dilute this pure pleasure with anything else save maybe the classic lime and salt accompaniments.

The tequila comes housed in 1800’s classic standard glass bottle design, although it’s instantly recognizable as a different beast thanks to its classy new black and silver label. The weighty stopper offers a bit too much resistance during extraction due to its snug faux-cork plastic bottom, which may cause some unfortunate party fouls by careless fiesta animals, but definitely keeps the bottle’s precious contents secured. No word on whether or not reposado and anejo varieties are forthcoming in the new 100 proof Select line, but they would seem to be naturals once this excellent silver conquers the market. For more information, visit the 1800 website.