Tuesday, April 01, 2008
BACHELOR PARTY 2: THE LAST TEMPTATION
Written by Fumo Verde
Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation. And let’s fucking hope so, I have just about had enough of Hollywood trying to re-cut and re-hash old shit. Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks had just enough “over the top” humor to make it funny, plus they had a decent script. Bachelor Party 2 lacked that key ingredient. Instead they used every stale old joke and boring cliché they could find and it still didn’t work. I guess the studios feel that if they put enough naked hot girls in the flick no one will give care that they just dropped twenty bucks in the theater, but that don’t fly to well on DVD. Sure, one could use the slow motion on the DVD player, but if you going to use it for purposes other than regular viewing, I suggest Spanky’s Porn Shop in Santa Ana.
Here’s the skinny on the flick: Ron meets Melinda in a museum and after two whole months they decide to get married. Melinda is super rich and amazingly, her father Ron. Yeah right; a mega-wealthy guy with a hot daughter (and Sara Foster is hot!) is just going to let some lonely number-cruncher marry his daughter. The old guy also has a daughter named Autumn, who is married to Todd. Todd doesn’t like Ron and thinks Ron will take over his post in the family business, which could be selling vibrators considering all the ones we saw in this flick.
Todd decides to throw Ron a bachelor party down in Miami Beach, but his ultimate plan is to get Ron to cheat and capture it on film so he can show Melinda. Ron and his buddies go along for the ride and screw everything from recovering sex addicts to shoe buffers. All Todd had to do was answer Ron’s cell phone and tell Mel that her husband-to-be is like the First Fleet when it pulls into port. She comes down, and after a dramatic golf-cart chase, love finally triumphs in the end.
No matter how much weed I smoked, this film didn’t go anywhere and with lines like “let’s have a pizza and fuck,” it’s easy to see why. Were the writers on strike when this was jotted down on the pieces of paper they call a script? Ridiculous. I can’t say the acting was top shelf, but how could it be with such a piss-poor script. At least I knew that it would soon be over, but there went another eighty minutes of my life I can’t get back.
The two things I came away from with this little adventure are: bad guys are always named Todd, and I have found a new way incorporate naked girls and golf. Sure, there were a lot of topless girls, but I have the Internet and one does not need to shell out hard-earned cash for boobs.
Extras, really, you want to know, really? The gag reel is funny, but most gag reels are. I could not bother with the commentary track.
On this April Fool’s Day, only a fool would spend money to see this. I would even pass it up if comes out on HBO. Happy Fool’s Day from a mighty fool himself.