PRIMAL FEAR - Hard Evidence Edition

Written by Senora Bicho

Primal Fear is a courtroom drama that involves a complex plot with many twists and turns. It was based on the first novel in a series by William Diehl featuring the character of Martin Vail.

Martin Vail (Richard Gere) is a high-profile defense attorney who defends the dregs of society. He cares more about media attention than innocence, truth, and justice. When a well-known and beloved archbishop is murdered, Vail jumps at the chance to defend the 19-year-old alter boy accused of the crime for all of the attention that the case will garner. He goes to the jailhouse to meet Aaron Stampler (Edward Norton) who is a stuttering, meek, young man from a small town. Vail tells him right off that he doesn’t care if he did it or not but will defend him pro bono; Stampler quickly agrees.

Janet Venable (Laura Linney) is the prosecutor on the case who is under enormous pressure by her higher-ups to win the case and get the death penalty. Venable and Vail had a brief affair previously and so both want to win for personal reasons as well.

In the course of the investigation, Vail uncovers that the archbishop was receiving death threats because of a shady real-estate deal and he was sexually abusing the alter boys. He also comes to truly care for Aaron and believes that he is innocent. Aaron claims to have been having blackouts, so Vail hires a psychiatrist (Frances McDormand) to try and uncover the truth. After intense questioning, Aaron turns into “Roy,” an angry and hostile persona that confesses to killing the archbishop. The psychiatrist believes that Aaron suffers from multiple personality disorder. Since the trial is already underway, Vail is unable to change Aaron’s “not guilty” plea to insanity and so he must resort to unorthodox methods to save his client.

This edition comes with several new extras. A commentary tract by director Gregory Hoblit, co-writer Ann Biderman, producer Gary Lucchesi, executive producer Hawk Koch and casting director Deborah Aquila. The commentary is interesting, but it would have been nice to have one of the actors from the film as well. “Primal Fear: The Final Verdict” offers interviews with key people involved with the film including Norton and Linney. “Primal Fear: Star Witness” also has interviews but focuses on the casting of Norton. “Psychology of Guilt” provides factual information on the insanity defense and multiple personality disorders. The original theatrical trailer is also included.

Primal Fear is not a film of special effects or something that needs to be seen on a big screen to be appreciated; however, this Blu-ray version is good to look at considering the source. There is a limited depth of field in most shots causing a soft focus of backgrounds, but the clarity of the facial features helps to enhance the performances. Textures can be seen but not as sharp as current films. The color palette of the production design mainly uses earth tones with muted colors, although this does allow reds, particularly the blood at the murder scene to pop off the screen. The Dolby True HD sound does have much to do with this courtroom drama although the dialogue is clearly conveyed. James Newton Howard’s score sounds great, and it adds a layer to the emotion in the film.

This is an excellent film from the solid writing and intriguing story to the brilliant performances. Gere is at his best as the slick attorney who has his world turned upside down, Linney is perfect as the strong but vulnerable D.A., and I can’t say enough about Norton. Every time he is on screen, you can’t take your eyes off of him regardless of if he is sweet Aaron or hostile Roy. He is completely believable and engrossing as both characters. McDormand, John Mahoney, Andre Braugher, and Alfre Woodard are also stellar in their supporting roles.

I love Primal Fear and can watch it over and over again. Each time I find something new and interesting or appreciate a scene that I hadn’t previously. If you own a previous version of the movie, the extras offered in this edition are worth the upgrade if you would like more behind-the-scenes information.

Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

Written by Puño Estupendo

Oh man, I'm just going to throw out the stinker alert right now and get it over with. Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is not on my list of any horror movies I would recommend to a friend that asked me for suggestions on what to watch. Actually, I think it has now made my list of "films to never bother to watch again." Even if all you're looking for are the staples of formula that everybody makes jokes about, you're going to be very disappointed. People getting picked off, yes. Teenage sex, sort of. Counselors and Crystal Lake, yeah, it's got that too. But what this film absolutely doesn't have are naked people, any kind of scares, or (worst of all) any gore!

Tommy Jarvis continues his participation from Parts IV and V, heading for the cemetery that is the burial place of Jason Voorhees. He wants to know for sure that Jason is dead so he digs up the grave and proceeds to stab the body repeatedly with a rod from an iron gate. Look out though, there's a storm that's moved in. The fence rod that is stuck in Jason's corpse is hit with lightning, and damn if that lightning doesn't bring that guy back to life.

Jason's machine must also be coming up triple 7's because Tommy, and the pal he brought with him, also brought Jason's hockey mask with them. I'm telling you, if Voorhees had even given a shit, he would have bought a lotto ticket, bet on some horses, sat in at a high-stakes poker game, and had all the unprotected sex he could manage, cuz everything was coming up Jason that night.

Tommy escapes, his friend doesn't, and when he tries to warn the local yokel sheriff about Jason's return, he gets thrown in jail for his troubles. Add some camp kids and counselors, and a pretty hefty secondary cast of characters to kill, and you've got one pretty lousy movie. Nobody believes poor Tommy except for the sheriff's daughter. Yeah, the sheriff's daughter...the only thing that separated the sheriff and his daughter were about five years and a mustache. She frees Tommy from his imprisonment and they set out to stop Jason.

At this point, Jason has already built himself a sizable nest egg of kills, but they all sucked visually. Some of the set-up was okay for the deaths, but there was no gore at all! Boy did that piss me off. The only thing you could have enjoyed about this movie would have been the gore, but seriously, there is none. One of the few scenes where they actually showed something other than blood splattering on to the surface of something, it was a knife stuck in somebody's head. If it had been a throwing star instead, it would have matched the gore level of an old kung-fu flick.

There are also a bunch of little visual gags like Jason walking past the camp signs that say "virtue, friendliness, etc." This just showed me that even the director didn't take this shit seriously, so why bother watching it. There's kill scenes with no gore and sex scenes where people seem to manage to stay clothed. The acting is bad (even for a movie of this kind) and it just isn't fun in any ways I could figure out. Stick with the first four but leave part six alone. Tie a boulder around it's neck and drop it in the middle of a lake, only this time, make sure not to come back to it later.

Friday the 13th - A New Beginning

Written by El Fangorio

For all you sleazehounds out there, I highly recommend Part 5 (the one without Jason -- oops). It's directed by Danny Steinmann who did Savage Streets, which should be more than enough cred to those in the know. If that's not enough, the man is better known as Danny Stone, director of countless ‘70s porno films. And it shows in all aspects of this film (especially the dialogue).

This is also the installment that started the franchise's quick regression from showcasing bodycounts and gore to only showing the after-effects of each kill (if at all). After this one, the producers mistake their audience for people who just want to see Jason doing his thing -- which is basically standing in the rain looking a hundred pounds heavier than the last film.

But most importantly, this is the one that the producers, along with cast and crew, are most embarrassed about because of the atmosphere that Steinmann created on the set, which was much like a porno. While filming the sex scenes he be would standing off to the side saying, "Yeah. fuck her! Fuck her! Get her good!" It caused one of the actresses to stop the biz completely she was so traumatized by him.

In the end, you get absolutely no gore (not a drop -- all the kills are done off screen), and not even Jason. But you get a mom calling her son a "fucking dildo," you get the black kid that got joint-molested with Arnold on Different Strokes, and you have some really hot girls and boys that look straight out of the porn industry (I guarantee the dudes are from gay porn since they were the only ones with abs in the ‘80s). The lead, who was a born-again Christian, prayed for days before accepting the role, fearing it might not be the right thing to do. A born-again with abs in the ‘80s. Big surprise.

I just know that most of you will enjoy Part 5. Whereas the rest of the chapters just plain suck, this one is at least entertaining for all the wrong reasons and a milestone in that it changed the tone of the series for the rest of its duration.

All of my trivia is taken from the highly recommended book Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday The 13th by Peter M. Bracke in case you are looking for more.

Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter

Written by Puño Estupendo

At the risk of letting the cat outta the bag here, I'm guessing that most of you realize that Friday the 13th Part IV is not the final chapter that it promised to be. This was the first of the 13th movies I saw in the theater and it holds a warm spot in my heart because of it. In a lot of ways, this really is the final chapter in the fact that the films that followed it in the series set the tone for what most people think of when they envision Friday the 13th. The cliche set-ups, the stupid kids, an undead Jason that just gets more and more ridiculous as each movie came out, but this one tried it's best to make up for the ridiculousness of it's 3-D predecessor and gain a little dignity as it thought it was closing up the franchise. I think it did. I think that if it had been the final film in the series people would have a completely different regard for the films and they wouldn't have ended up being such a joke.

I'm of the opinion that Friday the 13th Parts I and II are completely solid, awesome horror films. They're well made and not cliche at all. Younger or first-time viewers see them as having all of the cliches, but should realize that some of those formulas weren't so played out when those movies hit. Those are two of the horror films of the time period that created (what came to be) the formula because so many people ripped them off. I still think that if the series had stopped here, people would have some jokes about the third movie being pretty hokey, but rave about the series overall and not with their tongue in cheek.

Breaking from the mold it had set, The Final Chapter centers around the Jarvis family: a single mom and her two children, a son and a daughter. Sure, the daughter Trish is a cute blonde teenager (somebody has to be) but her little brother Tommy (played by Corey Feldman no less!) adds an element that hasn't appeared in the series before this: kids in the firing line. Tommy isn't a party-ready teen looking to get some; he's a 12-year-old kid with a talent for making masks. Even by today's standards that isn't something we're used to seeing. You get a bunch of young twenty-something actors and maybe a few older ones, but it's fairly rare to see a serial killer chasing a 12-year-old kid around.

The house next door to the Jarvis' is hosting what you've come to expect. Filled with drunk horny teens, you immediately know that there's the cannon fodder you've been waiting for. This brings us to the real treat of the film, the return of the gore master who pioneered spectacular onscreen deaths, Tom Savini. His effects and outrageous creativity of all things horrific were a huge part of what made the original 13th such a phenomenon and to get him back for this installment was the best thing the filmmakers did here. The showdown between Jason and little Tommy at the end of the movie could not possibly have been as great without the skills of Savini. The man uses a machete like a paintbrush and his finished artworks are masterpieces on morbid canvases.

The Final Chapter isn't a great movie, but it still hits all the beats and it does so with a dignity that the rest of the series seemed to have lost after it. If you need it, there's even a bit of fun factor going not only because of the Corey Feldman factor, but a young pre-freakshow with his life Crispin Glover. There's flubs galore if you pay close attention, but the end pays off large. You may be jaded to onscreen killings by this point in cinema, but this finale is still something to behold.

BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA

Written by Hombre Divertido

Beverly Hills Chihuahua is sure to garner some “Look, Mommy, talking dogs!” comments from young children, but there is little here for anyone over the age of six.

Released on DVD on Tuesday March 3rd from Disney, this story of a spoiled Chihuahua who gets dognapped south of the border features an all-star cast, but that is not always a good thing. Somewhere along the line Disney and other companies producing animated features got the brilliant idea to use popular actors in their films rather that trained voiceover actors. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it does not like Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Drew Barrymore gives a one-dimensional performance as Chloe, the dainty dog with the high-class digs who gets lost. The rest of the vocal talent simply lacks the energy appropriate for the canines in which they are voicing. The exception would be Cheech Marin as the voice of Manuel the conniving rat, but this comedic genius is given little to say that is actually humorous. Considering that Marin’s performance as a wisecracking Chihuahua in Disney’s Oliver and Company was the bright spot of that film, Marin certainly could have been given a more significant part in this outing.

The humans in the film fare a bit better. Hard to go wrong with Jamie Lee Curtis and Piper Perabo, though the writing tends to let them down. Curtis is given little to do, and Perabo’s character makes a complete transition from a rich, irresponsible, uncaring, young socialite into Violet Sanford from Coyote Ugly over the course of the film, with little motivation. Nonetheless, the two talented actresses are giving their all, and the energy between Perabo and Manolo Cardona as Sam the attractive young Landscaper who, along with his Chihuahua Papi (George Lopez), assists Pearbo in the search for Chloe, results in some of the most endearing moments in the film.

Chloe eventually gets home after making many friends, finding her roots as well as her voice, and love along the way. The film certainly takes some interesting turns as it trots from believability to implausibility in both storytelling and special effects. In certain scenes the latter are actually quite good, but in many scenes they look awful and are certainly not worthy of Disney.

The bonus material is thin, and like the movie is also slated specifically to the very young. The animated short “Legend of the Chihuahua” is awkward at best, the deleted scenes are mildly interesting, but the funniest thing about the blooper reel is that it is titled “Blooper Scooper” which is ironically accurate. The bonus material also includes optional audio commentary by Director Raja Gosnell.

Recommendation: Young children may enjoy the talking dogs, but there is simply not enough comedy here for adults who don’t want to spend 91 minutes watching dogs with cartoon mouths. A simplified story with better special effects and a script with some comedic moments would have better served a wider audience. Skip this one and rent Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey.

THE FRENCH CONNECTION II (Blu-ray)

Written by Puño Estupendo

I imagine that it's not easy to make a sequel, especially when the original film you're following up on is a major critical and financial success. Add to that the fact that you're not even the one who directed the original and you get a sense of what John Frankenheimer did when he accepted the job of helming The French Connection II.

Kind of a weird thing to do when you think about it. Frankenheimer was a celebrated director, having done Grand Prix, Seconds, and The Manchurian Candidate by this point in his career; it seems like he certainly wouldn't have had to follow William Friedkin's The French Connection at all. In the documentary about him included as part of the supplemental material on the disc, it's recalled that Frankenheimer was rumored to be angry about the job but yet kept those feelings hidden. Maybe that's one of the reasons the two films differ so greatly from each other.

Frankenheimer takes the character of "Popeye" Doyle (played once again by Gene Hackman), and does almost everything he can to take him away from what fans of the original might have been expecting. Changing the setting from New York to Marseilles, the gritty cop is already out of his element right from the start. There are also no returning characters from the first film, except for the baddie, which adds to the denial of anything familiar with which a fan would be looking for. Finally, the film is turned on its ear by making the second act all about heroin addiction. Doyle is abducted off the street by thugs working with the drug dealer he's in France to try to capture. He's taken to a dingey hotel where they hold him captive and shoot him up with heroin, making him an addict over the course of weeks before dumping him on the french police's doorstep. The detective that Doyle has been at odds with over the assignment (played wonderfully by french actor Bernard Fresson) smuggles him to a basement room and puts him through a home-made detox. All of this is kept secret so as not to ruin Doyle's reputation and ruin his life.

This act of the film is wrenching to watch at times; Hackman and Fresson play the scenes so well. Only after all of this, when Doyle has come back from the depths that were forced upon him, does the film turn into a crime-thriller of the like you'd expect. Everything boils down to a final confrontation between Doyle and the drug dealer that eluded him in New York, Alain Charnier.

This is a great film because of how different it is from the original. It could easily have been an independant film unto itself with only a few changes to the script. Though not as gorgeous as the Blu-Ray edition of The French Connection, it has its own charms to offer the viewer. Presented in a 1.85:1 aspect ratio, it falls a little flat when compared to the first film. Frankenheimer directs the movie with style but it looks like a great deal of other films from that time period with nothing that really wows your eyes.

Also a bit disappointing was the lack of the capabilities with the sound. Though it has a 5.1 DTS-HD Master Audio track, it doesn't accomplish much other than sounding crystal clear. Nothing sounds like it's really moving around the room and the sub kind of bumps a little bit without any real rumblings. It sounds great, but it's not pushing the envelope of home entertainment by any means.

The saving graces here are the supplemental featurettes. An interview with Gene Hackman that is a complimentary piece to the one he did for The French Connection is a nice watch. He seems to have great feelings towards the filming of this movie and it comes through in his speech and mannerisms. There are also two commentary tracks, but what I really liked was the documentary "Frankenheimer: In Focus" that was included. With fantastic interviews with a slew of people that have worked with him, I thought it was almost as good of a watch as the film was and I highly recommend it's viewing after you've seen the main feature.

If you are a fan of the original, then you should definitely add The French Connection II to your Blu-Ray library as well.

Friday the 13th (2009)

Written by Hombre Divertido

In 1980 when Sean S. Cunningham produced and directed the admitted Halloween rip-off Friday the 13th, he did not expect it to foster 10 sequels and a 2009 remake that hit theaters on February 13th.

For the 2009 film, Mr. Cunningham (executive producer) teamed up with producer Michael Bay; director Marcus Nispel, who helmed Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003); and writers Damian Shannon, Mark Swift, and Mark Wheaton (Shannon and Swift wrote Freddy vs. Jason) to create what is actually more of a new story than a re-telling of the original.

The 2009 version opens with a newly filmed scene, in which the vengeful Mrs. Voorhees (Nana Visitor) is decapitated as she was at the end of the original. This adds little to the film, and appears to be nothing more than justification for the title, as this new outing contains more plot points from the second and third installments then the first.

The first twenty minutes of the film consists of a group of teens going out to Crystal Lake in search of a marijuana field. They unfortunately cross paths with Jason, and all but one of them are killed. The opening credits don’t roll until after Jason is done with this first group. Since the first segment has all the components of the classic slasher film, including sex, drugs, and heads that roll, they certainly could have rolled the closing credits as easily as the opening. Instead, Clay Miller (Jared Padalecki who channels a young David Keith in many scenes) comes looking for his missing sister. Clay encounters the local town folk, a new group of teens up for some fun at the lake, and of course, Jason.

Our storytellers have certainly created a new Jason. One that is faster, stronger, more creative (He puts one victim in a sleeping bag and hangs her over the campfire), and cunning. They have also given us more nudity and prolonged sex scenes than in previous Friday the 13th films, and a higher body count, all of which should be music to the ears of true fans of the franchise. Unfortunately, it is the music that really let’s us down. The original film, scored so perfectly by Harry Manfredini, was enhanced by the intense music worthy of classic horror films such as Psycho. Steve Jablonsky adds nothing to the film with his score, and we get little of the classic “Shoo Shoo Shoo Shoo” that let’s us know that Jason is coming.

It is not only the music that is failing here. The writers fail to create the edge-of-the-seat moments so prevalent in previous Friday the 13th endeavors. For the most part, Jason’s kills come too fast and obvious. The audience is also let down by never getting to see anyone killed with the wood chipper that we are shown early in the film.

SPOILER ALERT:

As in the original, Jason ends up in the lake. He again manages to come up out of the water and attack our heroine. Unfortunately, what was a classic moment in the genre (though a rip-off of Carrie) when done in 1980, gleaned nothing more than snickers from the audience in 2009. The references to the original film that open and close our new version do nothing but weaken the final product.

Recommendation: Friday the 13th continues to be a profitable venture, and this new more energetic and creative Jason could certainly give us plenty of screams in better stories. This particular story fails to provide enough tense moments to be worthy of your ninety-seven minutes. Wait for the DVD.

THE FRENCH CONNECTION (Blu-ray)

Written by Puño Estupendo

Director William Friedkin's 1971 cop thriller The French Connection has never looked this good.

Ever.

By his own admission, in his taped intro to the film, this Blu-ray release of Friedkin's film is the best there's ever been and is the closest to his original vision when he shot it back in 1970. The gritty, dirty New York City of 1970 serves as the canvas for the story in which Detectives Jimmy "Popeye" Doyle and Buddy Russo try to bust a shipment of heroin that's being smuggled into the city by freighter from Marseilles. A cat and mouse game evolves and what you end up with is one of the great masterpieces of the genre. More or less launching the careers of Gene Hackman and Roy Scheider, this is as good a crime thriller as they come. Shot incredibly well by Friedkin and with a disturbing score by Don Ellis, this is a gem of a film for fans of the genre and should not be missed, especially with the release of this on Blu-ray.

With a complex system of color timing, the entire film has been digitally enhanced and looks incredible. In the low lit scenes, the grain of the film is almost palpable and my jaw was on the floor at the detail of this new transfer. One of the supplemental features created just for this release gives the viewer a rudimentary breakdown on how this was accomplished. This is not a recreation of how the film originally looked when it was shown in theaters in 1971, this is Friedkin kind of getting to play George Lucas with his film. The difference is that while many films that are revisited are inherently changed, The French Connection is just given a boost that makes it legitimately better. I know this movie well; I've seen it in every form including a 35mm print at a theater, broadcast television, VHS videotape, DVD (and now) Blu Ray. This is, without a doubt, the greatest version of it that I've ever seen.

For film aficionados, this is why you should invest in Blu-ray. I see this two-disc set as not only an awesome film with a load of interesting supplementals, but this is hitting a level that invests in the preservation of classic films. Included on the second disc are great featurettes covering everything from Gene Hackman's recollection of filming to William Friedkin meeting up with people that were the inspiration for the film in the first place. There's locations revisited, commentary tracks and just all sorts of good stuff as bonuses.

The 5.1 DTS audio track absolutely roars when it needs to but yet the dialogue is always right where you want it to be. There's no fidgeting back and forth with your volume like when a disc is too loud during the action but then the dialogue scenes are way too quiet. For those of you without the bigger audio set-up at home, you'll be pleased to know that it'll sound just fine to you as well, although you might want to turn it up a little louder so the famous chase scene really knocks your socks off. Don't know what chase scene I'm referring to? Well then there's another reason for you to get this disc!

William Friedkin's enthusiasm for this product is really apparent here. He's not the most charismatic guy or even an interesting storyteller verbally, but his appearances in so much of the featurettes (that were made specifically for the Blu-ray) kind of speaks for itself. This newest version of his film obviously impressed him quite a lot and I have to say it made quite the impression on me as well.

DEA: Detroit

Written by Fumo Verde

As an advocate for the legalization of marijuana and having my own run-ins with law enforcement personnel, along with my regards to our justice system in general, I tend to view shows such as this one with very jaded eyes. So to give myself a more balanced perspective. I decided to watch this two-disc set produced by SPIKE TV because right now DEA to me equals “total assholes.”

The show starts of with a caption reading, “The men and women of the DEA have one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. For the protection…” and so on. So I hit the Internet and searched for the most dangerous jobs in the world. Ten websites, including Forbes, showed that law enforcement is ranked number ten—meaning patrolmen and women, because those folks are always on the beat, totally out in the open, and deal with the everyday craziness which runs around most modern-day cities. As of the last few years, it switches between logging and fishing. “Federal agents” I couldn’t find in the top twenty.

The narrator tells me again it’s one of the most dangerous jobs. Looks like they have the upper hand when it comes to firepower, at least from the opening scene. In the last year, this group has worked over 100 cases, seized over $9 million in cash and dope, and busted over 200 drug dealers. We meet the team and I’m stoked one of them is a Cowboy fan, or at least he’s wearing the hat. Now true, they chase some pretty murderous bastards at times so every mission is set for the “worst-case scenario” option, meaning set phasers for kill because this is no drill. I would consider this to be one of the most stressful jobs. They don’t know what the suspect they’re going after will try, so I understand the tactics they have to use.

First bust we get is crackheads. Lots of crack but no weapons, and not much cash either. Just a ton of rock. Special Agent Brad Ripken notes that “it’s all about money and everybody is trying to make that buck.” Hmm, what’s the budget for the DEA? Answer: around $2.35 billion. For the dealers it’s all about the money, but for the agents it’s all about the dope, which helps bring in the money, and then somewhere in there, according to Scarface, you get the women.

“Dope.” That word on the street usually refers to marijuana, but the DEA and other law enforcement uses “dope” for all drugs, giving the face of weed the same face as heroin, crystal meth, and the idiots who huff Raid Ant and Roach spray.

Next up is the dangerous heroin dealer who lives in the slums. The narrator informs us that it is nearly impossible to prosecute a drug dealer unless a DEA Agent goes under cover to make a buy. Of course, that overlooks the rat. To be a good criminal informant, the DEA must have you by the balls or at least act like they do. How long does it take for the DEA cases to get warrants issued? This is an answer I can’t seem to find. Why is that?

The next dealer is in his sixties. He’s been dealing for more than thirty years, been to federal prison. He’s an old guy, got nothing to lose. Special agent John Greer also notes that the target is old and sick but he’s selling drugs and when your selling drugs you usually have weapons with you. As usual, the DEA comes at the crack of dawn, so no resistance, but this is an allegedly gun-carrying, sick heroin dealer they are approaching. The bust happens so quick your eyes can’t adjust to the cameras that show one angle, then another, and then two more within a two-second clip. We find the dealer high on his own dope. Of course, he’s on heroin; that’s also why he sells it. Oh, and I love it when law enforcement knows that you are too good of a person to be selling or using dope. Heroin users have needles and lots of them have AIDS because they share needles. Special Agent Hoyt won’t take any of his target’s paraphernalia home; it’s contaminated. Besides he probably has enough keepsakes from his tour with the army.

Two ounces of heroin get you twenty in federal joint unless they flip you. Remember DEA likes to act as if they have the final say on if you will do time and how much; they don’t. You just need to talk to the District Attorney. They are the ones with the power and authority to lessen your sentence or not charge you at all. Most people are stupid. Others aren’t, such as the heroin dealer. He won’t flip, so their case against him ends with him, and he’ll make his deal with a federal prosecutor. The narrator says, “The suspect refuses to cooperate. It’s a decision that could send him to prison for the rest of his life,” which is possible, but at his age and health it’s more likely he’ll die while waiting court appearances, and he doesn’t have the bail money, so yes he’ll probably be in a prison waiting on court appearances when he dies.

Next up is another heroin dealer. Agents say every time an informer goes to see her she always has a weapon on her, so approach with caution. This is where we learn about the DEA Stack. Man #1 has a BlackHawk Hallagan Tool, a fireman’s axe. Man #2 has a Mono Shock Ram #X-TE122 which generates over 19,000lbs of greater kinetic force. Man #3…okay enough. This is where my notes must end and I have to really give you the lowdown on this over-inflated COPS show.

True, these guys risk their lives but we all do when we ride on the freeways in our nation with the exception that we aren’t looking for trouble, they are. Only super-egos can take a job like this, and the DEA has done this surprisingly well. Using fear and the art of bullshit works, and as I sat and watched disc two, nothing changed. Sure they went after different bad guys and kept biting their way up the drug chain. I would laugh if it ended with Merc or Pfizer.

Every episode has that “they could die at any minute” feel to it, but when all is said and done, it never happens. These teams are that good; I’ll give credit there. You won’t know what hit you until your face is planted in the dirt and Agent Woody’s eight-inch shoe is halfway up your two-inch asshole. This is why they don’t come in under the dangerous category because that’s rated by fatalities on the job, and depending on how many people hold that job in relation to the deaths of that particular job. DEA agent is definitely, I would say, one of the most stressful jobs, because they don’t know who’s behind the door and if that person is going to come out shooting.

If you like to watch cops bust people, then this show is for you. If not, then don’t bother, nothing you haven’t seen before is going to come from this. My feelings towards the DEA have changed though, and I respect how they perform their tasks, and I can say the more I watch them, the more I learn, and I thank them for it.

Friday the 13th Part 3 3-D (Deluxe Edition)

Written by Tío Esqueleto

Friday the 13th Part 3 picks up directly where Part 2 left off. Actually, Part 3 and The Final Chapter (Part 4) are direct continuations of the second installment, each one picking up where the last left off. I realize that that has them taking place on the completely not scary Saturday the 14th and well into the week of Monday the 16th but, really, if your going to scrutinize the timeline of this series, you had better just press “Eject” now. Suspend disbelief, embrace the clichés (it’s all part of the formula), let yourself get scared, and have a damn good time. This is Friday the 13th Part 3…IN 3-D!!!

So Part 2 ends in Jason’s terrifying shack in the woods, where Ginny whacks him a good one with the machete, and she and boyfriend, Paul, flee into the night. Omitted here is the “just when you thought it was safe” scare where Jason blasts through the window. Instead, Ginny and Paul leave the shack where we cut to Jason still lying on the ground. He reaches over, picks up the bloody machete, and begins to wriggle his way across the floor and towards the door. Pan up to Pam Voorhees’ rotting, severed head, sitting on the table, and it is right into the in-your-face credit sequence

The story (body count) for Part 3 centers around Chris (played by the wonderfully awful Dana Kimmell) and her friends as they make there way to her family cabin at where else, but Crystal Lake. There are seven of them in all, including a pregnant girl and her boyfriend (who’s prone to walking on his hands), a stoner couple, a feisty Latina, and a chubby prankster. Then there’s a couple of local storeowners, a trio of bad-ass bikers, and Chris’ boyfriend Rick (who’s already at the lake). Throw in some sex, some drugs, some really bad decisions, and, of course, Jason Voorhees, and you’ve got the next Friday the 13th movie. Throw in, for the very first time, a hockey mask and (literally) eye-popping 3-D effects, and you’ve got it in 3-D.

Steve Miner returned for his second stint in the director’s chair, for this third installment in the series where 3-D was the clear gimmick of choice. A pitchfork, a harpoon, a yo-yo, popping popcorn, a hot poker, a passed joint, a striking snake, and eyeballs popping out are just some of the scares thrown directly in your lap now that we’ve added this new dimension, this third dimension, in terror. Duck!

Also of note with Part 3 is the introduction of the now-iconic hockey mask. Whether or not they knew what they were doing, remains to be told. All I know is that part way through the movie Jason walks out of the barn, now wearing a hockey mask, and the rest is history. It isn’t on the poster. It wasn’t marketed as the new face of Jason, or anything like that. It just all of a sudden was, and it was and remains perfect.

Part 3 seemed to ramp the gore factor up again. While it wasn’t quite back to the level we saw in Part 1 (and, eventually Part 4), it was definitely a step in the right direction with some of the nastiest scenes to date.

The 12 kills are:

• meat cleaver to the temple
• knitting needle to the back of the head
• pitchfork impalement through the neck
• pitchfork to the stomach
• throat slashed
• spear gun to the eye
• chopped in two while walking on hands
• knife through the chest from underneath
• electrocution
• hot fireplace poker to the stomach
• head squeezed until eyeball pops out
• hit with a pipe; hacked with machete

The handstand halving is something to behold all cleaned up and in 2.35:1, as well as the after shot of him stacked one half on top of the other. Certainly, most of the kills were designed with 3-D in mind. The spear to the eye and the head crushing with the eyeball popping out into the camera are the most notable. They were talked about on the playground, on the bus, and just about anywhere else young boys with a taste for this sort of thing got together, as was usually the case with any recently released Friday film at the time. It was movie lore until you finally saw it for yourself, and this head crushing/eye popping scene was quickly becoming the Holy Grail.

While Friday the 13th Part 3 isn’t necessarily the best in the series, it does have its merits. First off, it is the birth of the Jason we’ve come to know and love, but just before he becomes the clichéd caricature of himself in the sub-par Friday films following The Final Chapter. We’ve added the hockey mask and, overall, Jason just seems more intense in this one. Where in the last one he seemed a bit more oafish and childlike, in this one he is fast and precise and seems to have only one thing on his mind and that is killing young kids like the ones who killed his mother. This time he is on a mission. There will be no slipping on Mom’s sweater and reasoning with this new Jason.

Friday the 13th Part 3 is also the only film in the series that is widescreen, 2.35:1, and that’s certainly a leg up in my book. Again, the handstand death is the first thing that comes to mind. Gorgeous.

The newly released Deluxe Edition DVD of Friday the 13th Part 3 is actually in 3D. Well,…kind of. Yes, they’ve included the 2-D version and the 3-D version (both on the same disc), as well as two pairs of traditional red-and-blue lens 3-D glasses. Does it work? I think that depends on the viewer and, possibly, the TV it is viewed on. I viewed it on a standard 27” screen, and after 20 minutes of trying (I tried it sitting way up close, way far back, and right in the middle, as well as with my eyes crossed, squinted, and slightly rolled back) I almost threw up and had acquired quite the headache. Technically, I could get the 3-D moments to work, but there was a lot of pain involved, and even with my Goldilocks-seating method, the screen was always either a little reddish, or a little bluish, but never quite rightish. In the end I just went back and watched all of the kills in 3D and that was enough, I guess. I finally got to dodge the eyeball as Jason squishes Rick’s head and it was worth it just for that.